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139,471 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
Bahaha... Hi there StoryWeaver.
As always, this is beautiful. You were creative, you use good wording, and even though I don't believe in such a things as horoscope, you're such a great writer, I actually like it. Love the ending. If I was that person you wrote this poem for, I'd read it over and over again in shock. xD Lovely, lovely job.
Keep it up.
Awesome poem! I liked the ending the most; it really wrapped up well even though it was a short poem.
There is pretty good rhythm throughout this, but the fourth line with the contrast is the only line that kind of stands out and doesn't have very good rhythm with the rest of the stanza. Nice use of metaphor, too!
The rhythm kind of fizzles a bit here. Not in the beginning, but the last two lines are too long, and I don't think that the lioness part at the end of the line adds to anything, just kicks the rhythm out of loop. I really like the perspective here, this is my favorite stanza.
One other thing is that I could have used more than just two constellations here. I feel like you're telling me about the wonderful night sky and all the stars it holds and then I only get a tiny glimpse of it - only two constellations out of the many more that there are.
Other than that, great poem!
Cute
. Very cute, and very well written. I like this a lot and I'm not entirely sure what else you could do to fix it except elaborate, which you've already done a good job at already 
. So very good job, just one thing to point out in the first stanza:
. Just make sure to capitalize the first letter in every line 
.
Pisces, eyes winnowing
across my skin as though
each cell’s a single silver reed,
cool words in sharp contrast
to every burning ember sparked
between my flint and tone. Stone**
Good job