The Ocean Breathes Salty

by StoryWeaver13
  • September 17, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Narrative
  • Poetry B.C.
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Spoiler! :
Two things to note: yes, this is somewhat inspired by a song (which gave me the poem's namesake). More importantly though, it's inspired by a couple of personal experiences that are (unfortunately) driving me to write a lot of love poems. Because of that, how much you understand compared to all that I understand may be extremely distorted. All the same, I really felt like I had to post this. In a way it's my unsaid goodbye.


The half-priced shop, half-rated,
hangs our reflections in the window, as if to say
“Two hearts for sale, not meant for one another.”

It’s an old-style shop selling
candy hearts and sugar-snap-somethings,
nothing as bittersweet as us. We’re an
undeniably acquired taste, you must admit,
lacking old-fashioned flair or, well, any flair.

We split a bitter smile, stopping
at the harbor of free-faring people,
and I look to you to see your sweetened sour
expression, a familiar taste to come across
upon your lips.

There’s nothing to say with
the melancholy taste of saltwater taffy
and honest ocean swelling through our throats.
Your eyes, glowing in the sea-swallowed sun,
melt like chocolate.

The tiny corner shop now
hangs a closed sign on its door. You bring me
towards your heart a final time, a honey-coated
embrace that’s never been sweeter.

But I look to the harbor.

The ocean vows to me
a promise of freedom, and
we know the taste of love is too sweet,
that the ocean breathes salty, and breathes in me.

Comments & reviews · 4
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tgirly
Review
tgirly wrote a review · Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:39 am

I've never heard the original, but I like this a lot. I have a sweet tooth, and love the referances to candy. It's a very nice poem, I love it. You have great imagery here. I agree with shadowdweller that I wouldn't change a thing. Great job!
-tgirly

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joshuapaul
Comment
joshuapaul commented · Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:16 am

The ocean breaths salty, won't you carry it in? Modest Mouse fan I see? I prefer the original.

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ShadowDweller
Review
ShadowDweller wrote a review · Sun Sep 18, 2011 1:10 am

Well, although I have only a fuzzy idea of what love actually is, I think you captured it perfectly. It had a good rythem and I like how in the end almost everything vame down to how it tasted, saly, sour, sweet. It makes comparison easy. I wouldn't change a thing.



What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
— J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye