Happiness

I love this poem, my favorite line stanza was

It’s like a matchboxStruck in your chest, Yet cool like rain.On heated breath

Hey there!

This is a very sweet poem and I understand if you don’t want to alter this at all because it works how you want it to work. However, I don’t think you’re doing nearly enough with this. There’s much more to happiness, even the idea of not being able to speak about what happiness is the kind of thing I think we could be interested in. The idea that only children know happiness is silly, from a poetry perspective, because happiness, like all other emotions, changes as you experience it. Your poem could be an expression of happiness as it changes, as it grows, or as the narrator changes. This child-like approach just restricts the sophistication of your idea when there is so much you could be doing.

Your matchstick and chest lines are the best ones in this poem, and certainly the only memorable ones. If you could run along the same lines as this – even referencing the Matchstick Girl story, you could really open this up to the reader and make them truly feel what you’re trying to say. Personally, I don’t find the language nearly evocative enough to make me think about happiness beyond what you’re saying. You want to try to leave a lasting impression on your reader, that’s the true success of a poem, the impression, the imprint.

I’d begin by lengthening your lines and including a little more content, some more tangible ideas to really sink our teeth into. Give us some stronger imagery – along the strength of your matchstick (which really stuck in my head). It seems daunting but if you explain happiness how you feel happiness, you’ll find an audience for it, eventually.

Please tell me if you make any changes, I’d love to read them!

-Penguin.

Hey, Weaver!

I'm really liking this piece a lot. It's quite frank and casual. The opening and ending are sweet and bring about the entire context of the poem really neatly. And you are absolutely right. Thinking immaturely about happiness is the way that you're supposed to be thinking about it. xD

This poem has left me with a smile and I'm thankful for you writing this delightful piece. Keep the ink flowing now!

Murtuza

Is there anything left to say ? I believe your poem itself has said everything that it is worth
An amazing piece and the best part is that you have described it with the perfect qualities of happiness. Being simple, when joy comes from being simple, It's a joy like no other.
A great piece.
Zaid

Hey, Weaver! Rose here!

I absolutely adore this! It's so simple, just like happiness, but you've still managed to slip in touches of brilliance here and there. It was very easy to read, and I found myself smiling while I read it. Very well done!

I must confess
I do not know
How to describe
This soft, sweet glow.

As a writer,
I'm forced to tell
Of things that others
Can't tell well.

Hey shiney1 here

This poem is great! Thank you so much for being playful and bringing back the fun in creating and reading poetry for pleasure. I really like the style, and the flow was pretty good.

It’s like a matchbox
Struck in your chest,
Yet cool like rain
On heated breath.

This is amazing! You expect us to.. "tear it apart", but I, personally believe that you've captured the feeling perfectly, because I mean, what is happiness? Happiness IS simplicity. It's beauty and peace and simplicity.

As a writer,
I’m forced to tell
Of things that others
Can’t tell well.

Well if I could
I’d tell you, sincerely,
But you must find it
To know it clearly.