Got in a huge fight with my mother, kind of just venting my anger out in a less-destructive way than tearing up the pillows in my room and punching a hole through my wall (done that before...not a happy ending). O.o Feel free to criticize, I really don't care.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,471 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
Wow, I love how you portray your anger. You seem to realize that anger is a very complex emotion. You also have relatively equal and balanced lines, which is good.
wewinwelose already covered the gramar corrections, so there is just one more thing; you may want to ease up on the punctuation. You don't have to punctuate the end of every line, it can be cumbersome sometimes.
This is a great way to relieve your anger, and it turned out really well!
Sage
Hey, first off, great poem and I know the feeling of being really really pissed off at a family member, for me it's my dad. I do have to say though it's a good thing you can channel your anger through poetry instead of destruction, not everyone can do that and it's much more healthy than the alternative.
.
great job. 
.
. Goodluck.
So, here's my actual review
Serpent mother, try to bite;
Try to kill me,
For all I care.
The monster in the mirror -
Well, you ask this reflection
Dear mirror, mirror Bit of a rough transaction between these two lines, try to smooth it up a bit.
On the wall,
Am I the worst,
The worst of all?
Yes, it’s true,
The image won’t lie, Nitpicking here, this should be a period not a comma, no biggie
So serpent mother,
Go back to your chamber.
Be afraid of the world.
But keep your nightmares to yourself.
Don’t come to me,
Don’t make this my fault.
Kill me if you must
But don’t, This don't is unnecessary, my suggestion is to take it out and move the next line up next to the "but."
Don’t ever make me
Try to slay the demons
Of your soul. Such strong imagery, I can really feel the anger radiating out of you through these words, so powerful, I love it
Serpent mother, I cannot ever
Fight these things away.
They are your own design, not mine; I love this line
I can’t fight with wit or word,
Can’t do this, I should know
Because it is
Inherited, this mind,
This fear of our own
Creation, design, serpent mother.
You’ve instilled the venom
Like you brought blood to my veins,
And I’ll ask the monster, my reflection…
I’ll ask it -
Dear mirror, mirror,
On the wall,
Can I change,
Or not at all? So powerful! It's perfect!
Yes, it’s true,
The image won’t lie,
So serpent mother,
You’ve imprisoned me
In your world.
And now we are monsters of a kind.
**I love it, there's really not much I can suggest to change, just the few things above. Like I already stated, your words are so powerful and emotional. I can FEEL the anger you were feeling, see the imagery you set up as though it had been my own in the first place. You did a wonderful job and you are an amazing writer, keep it up and don't ever let yourself become frustrated with the people in this world, after all, you can always leave them behind if you really don't like them