They tell me to calm down.
“It’s okay, just stay right here.”
Am I fifteen or five?
“Come this way, sweetie.”
She grabs my arm and leads me;
I want to tell her to let go
But bite my tongue.
“Can you handle this?”
Of course I can,
I want to say.
Don’t they understand
That I’m older now?
We all walk into the room
And time comes to standstill.
He’s in a cast and bloody, bruised.
“It’s not so bad,” he lies.
I hug him and
Wish I wasn’t fifteen,
But five.
I want to cry.
“Can you handle this?”
Of course I can’t,
I want to say.
I can’t understand
Why I nod my head.
He needs to get up;
I grab his arm and lead him.
He wants to tell me to let go
But bites his tongue.
“Am I fifty or five?”
He finally asks.
I smile, say nothing.
How old do I have to be?
How young can I be?
I hold his hand,
My mom holds mine.
We are all ageless;
Sometimes young
And sometimes strong.
They take him away.
When they’re gone
I cry.
I’m not fifteen, but five.
I’m in a nightgown,
Clutching my velvet teddy bear,
Begging “dear God, please.”
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
I love this poem! It's so deep and effective. Maybe you could choose different sentance starters like using adverbs, adjectives or verbs instead of the boring I, me or we. It's better for somebody to grasp what is actually going on.
Well done. I liked it very much and you did well. So good for you.
-bugbug368
--> fantastic! I agree that our age usually depends on our emotions (and the way we think, I guess).
--> beautiful poem about a family. :] I really love this.
--> The short dialogues were also cute like "Am I fifty or five?"
love,
CS
I liked it, but I wish I didn't. The emotions you express are ones I resent, as the past is bleak, yet I clammer to it as they were happy days, but only happy because I was unaware, and put in a good place. However, those days set me up badly for the present, and now I only look to the future, knowing I cannot change the past and it is simply set in stone and a mark. However, that mark is a badge, all the same. We embrace it, and should look to the future and try to succeed where in the past we've failed.
The thing that should be changed is the repetition of "Am I fifteen or five?" versus the once used "Am I fifty or five?" I don't really know, as it may be purposeful/meaningful. So, I wouldn't change it.
Just know this: You have been successful on tampering and interacting with my emotions.
--ShadowKnight155
This was such a beautiful poem (:
I cuddle my teddy bear too when i feel weak and alone xD
I often want to be young again, cry when you want to and live a non judgemental life
Sorry for the useless review, all i wanted to say was
This.Was.Beautiful (:
That is such a beautiful poem! I love the way you tell it and the mements it shows when many of us wish to be older or younger, You nailed it.