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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Cool. This one was an awesome topic. I liked the part about"Kiss another girl who's prettier than me," oddly enough. This was also kind of awkward to read, as I personally couldn't keep a set tone or flow. But don't get me wrong, I liked reading it, and I hope you have more!!
Oh, wow. This is breathtaking. I'm at a loss for words. I love the way the words flow while you read. The piece is so whimsical. It's sad, without being depressing, a balance that can be difficult to find. Reading this really made me think, and see, that there is a beauty to being breakable. When it comes to editing, I don't see anything incorrect. Thank you for writing this! It was a pleasure to read.
Rarity♦
This is very sad and touching. It is a very good farewell. There is no words to explain the feeling that this leaves. For one thing this poem is so simple in delivering its meaning and the implications behind its words. But then the effect it has is huge. I am so used to reading complex poetry and it makes me think i can not be blown away by simple worded ones but this is like that. Not in that it is simple but because it so simply written. The sentences are literally understandable (i say this from the fact that poetry i have read usually has metaphors and stuff). I even like the part about taste her lips. It makesa it even more realistic.
you know she is actually saying move on but i like how at the end of it there is this hint saying 'don't forget me'. Its sweet how she wants to be remembered in his dreams. It is probably the most tragic part. She loves him enough to want him to be happy again but there is still this selfish part of her that wants to be remembered suggesting she wants him to still cherish her in some way. It is sadly contradicting but then that emphasises the love even more. It sort of destroys this perfect 'move-on' letter. That is what really makes it heart wrenching. Because she can't get herself to say completely move on.
I am glad that youn didn't say the reason behind her death. If you had written that then it would have distracted from what was important. the poem encapsulates only the future of their relationship not how it came to an end and stuff.
Well done.