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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Hi! You reviewed my poem and I wanted to return the favor.
I like this. It seems to have good rhythm/flow/sound and no grammar problems. The third stanza is my favorite. The imagery of dropping a heart is just perfect.
But I feel like it falls apart a bit after that. I get confused with "and then I laughed." For the narrator to say "and then," doesn't that mean that something has to happen first? There's no "this happened" before "and then I laughed."
"I cried" contrasts with "I laughed," which is good, except it seems too sudden and unexplained. And then I don't get "in an effort to find / the source of this / insanity." The beginning gives the impression the narrator makes the people who love her insane. So why is she looking for the source of insanity in them? Is she insane too?
There's nothing wrong with the last stanza, except it seems a little obvious. It "tells" what the rest of the poem "shows." I think something more metaphorical would be better.
The title doesn't seem quite right to me... it's not about a single "experiment," it's about a girl who always treats love as an experiment, right? Maybe "The Experimenter" would be better, or possibly "The Scientist" or "Curious."
Otherwise, great job!
Prolix