***A little improv. poem for a school assignment. Tear it apart, I just kind of decided to have some fun with this one.
Bare feet upon sun-scorched seas
of grass and weeds.
Hearts pounding fast in eager wonder.
What lies beyond each rock and tree
That mark the distance
The endless distance
Of the traveler.
*
Valiant explorers are we
Of worlds yet to be named.
Minds racing with the wind
Until they drift
Drift on away.
Gone with the traveler.
*
Weary breaths and aching eyes
Will never end our journey.
Where will our destination be?
So we wander,
Still we wonder
On like the traveler.
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A good tip when writing poetry is to go back through and rewrite your poem as regular sentences. This will help you make sure the punctuation is correct.
Watch your spelling and verb tenses.
I'm not sure if "wonder" is a misspelling or not. "Wonder on" really sounds strange.
My favorite lines were "Valiant explorers are we / Of worlds yet to be named" and "Weary breaths and aching eyes / Will never end our journey." I also really like the simplicity of the poem overall. :D
Basically, you just need to be more careful with your spelling and verb tenses. Otherwise, this poem is pretty solid.
Nice poem!
It was pretty good, but there were some places where commas weren't needed. I also didn't like the part where you repeated "drift", even though it was separated by a comma. But I did like this part of the poem of a lot ---->
"Valient explorers are we
Of worlds yet to be named."
That was a nice addition to the poem.
Keep writing!
-Jane
I liked how you had a bit of scenery along with a bit of what you'd be thinking, painted a really good picture for me and you had a pretty consistent rhyme pattern going which really worked with it.
only parts I didn't like were where you like split the sentence in two parts and commas weren't needed, every time i hit one of those it felt almost like I was hitting a pot hole on this really smooth ride.