We play our lives to a radio track.
You whisper words like “baby”
while your fingers play down
my spine as though they’re all
disjointed piano keys;
I suppose I’m just
a broken record by now,
skin scratched to warp
the melody of “me,” a
fractured rhythm of what it means
to be human,
held in too many absent hands.
Does this define me as “desirable?”
Call me a hipster, but I’d just say that it
labels me as most mainstream music
can be: low.
And easy to reach.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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139,430 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Hey there! You're wrong, I don't think this is as bad as you may have interpreted, I quite liked it really
The only thing I have to say is...
This area seemed a little awkwardly worded, but that's the only section I'd suggest you to consider revising. The rest flowed nicely and I also might add that you might want to put more feeling in it. You've got the descriptions down pat, just add some depth and emotion and your good to go! Keep writing!
Hey Story! Dogs here with your review today! Nice poem! I really like it because, like alfredsy said, mainly because of they rhythm and how you execute your topic and idea. Personally, this is just me, I'm not a huge fan of this kind of topic of poetry because you are just telling a story and It dosn't seem like there is much else behind it unless I am absolutely incompetent which is very likely lol.
Regardless of the fact that I don't like this topic you still executed your idea very well and got your point across to the reader. However I feel like in this style of poetry you can't use your amazing writing skills to write something that will leave an impact on the reader like all of your amazing writing usually does.
Well this poem was good but no my tastes lol. I think you are still an amazing writer but I don't think this was your best poem you've written. Anyways keep up the good work!!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Hello, Story Weaver. Did you know that I'm called Dream Weaver? Just want to say how are monikers are quite related.
Anyways, I really like your poem! As in really. The reasons are the following:
1.) You kept a constant theme, which is mainstream music
2.) You related how life is like music
3.) The poem exuded the desire of acceptance.
I really can't explain these reasons in long, boring-to-read but very useful sentences, so I hope you understand.
I wish you would write more poems like this!