Your key has locked
My heart;
Padlocked
Now yours to tear apart.
Unreachable by me
For I am yours
Unwillingly.
And your cruel hands
Force me to smile
My mindlessness
That of a child's.
Where have I gone?
My wings
Now clipped
Feathers plucked
Emotions slipped
From...
Well I can't quite remember...
Broken, mindless since I met you
My heart lost since that dark December.
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Canary word: Present
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140,607 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I edited some of things I think needed to be changed. If you are going to rhyme, try carrying it throughout the entire piece.
I suggest breaking the poem into smaller stanzas and taking out some of the heart parts of it.
Okay, well the biggest thing here is the inconsistent rhyme. You have none in the beginning, then by the end you start rhyming. Pick on or the other, personally I think it's fine not rhyming, but that's up to you.
You used "locked" too close together, try using another wordAlso
Hey, call me Freak or Fry, if you will.
This poem is very good and deep. I like it although I can not closely relate.
I didn't really find anything wrong with this poem, besides forgotten commas and maybe a period, so just go over those pauses.
This poem breaks my heart. It pains me to know that this actually could happen, but the way you wrote it was as if you wanted this to happen...
Uh, keep writing, good job.
~PM me for any questions or help.