Young Writers Society

Hello there, @StoryWeaver13! Though you'll likely never see this, it's Squire Vilnius here with a review!

I really like this short poem you've crafted here! You've excelled at describing how you wish to feel emotionally with traveling day to day.

I think that you could do some improvement on your rhymes. There are just a handful in the entire poem, but I feel that the rhymes improve the overall structure that you've created here.

There are no obvious grammatical errors that I can see in this poem.

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!

"Someday I’ll walk away from you.
 
()I’ll walk so far {Mabey this is on purpose or a mistake but I think that you dont need the space before I'll.}
that I stumble across
()the edge of the Earth{Same thing I pointed out earlier.}
()where the sun blazes hot
and the moonbeams glow,
and the stars wave back
(they whisper “hello”) {why is this in ()? I dont think you need it.}
 
I’ll walk so far
that I’ll taste Saturn’s rings
()and become so intoxicated
that I’ll drown in stars, bright,
and the Universe keeps growing
so I can walk all night
 
Someday, I swear, I’ll walk away
until I’ve peeled the layers off the sun."  

This is very nice! The flow was nice but I dont Get the last line. "...peeled the layers off the sun" Other than this it had a good meaning but wasnt forcful at twll me. Very nice work!
Now go review!