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The MoonSong Ballad

by EverLight

Note: There is dialogue in this. This is more or less a story told in poetry

In forest paths overgrown with thistles, thorns, and clover

Once roamed a soul, Starsong her name was

Few words defined her mystery she truly was a wild solo.

Every night across the forest floor she walked alone

Her destination a boulder among a circle of trees.

Once there she climbed upon that boulder

To sing a song to the moon her voice they say was that of angels.

This was her song

''Moon, oh, moon, enlighten the world with your mystery

Let your secrets become my own, shine upon my soul

Breakaway the night, mark the way to dawn.''

A new soul appeared right then, in gold dress, intelligence in his gaze

''Your voice is beautiful'' said he ''No, your voice is more than

beautiful-you have the voice of stars.''

He pulled her aside and asked for her name

She told him and asked him for his.

''I am Fireshadow'' He revealed, then beckoned to her

''Come let me show you, wonders beautifully.

Come, let me reveal to you secrets deep.

Come, let me tell you stories timeless.''

He told her tales of meanings deep

He showed her wonders of awesome grace

He revealed secrets deeper then she dreamed

Her heart was entranced with this strange, wonderful soul.

No longer did Starsong sing her song alone

Her voice now joined with Fireshadows.

One night when all the sky lay black

Starsong confessed her love to him.

''Fireshadow I love you with my heart

You've done more for me than any other

You mean more to me than any other.''

And he replied

''If you truly love me in such way don't confess it in words

But prove it in sacrifice.''

Starsong laid before his feet a Black Rose of finest type

''I bring you this'' Said she

''And this'' She went on presenting scars born from roses thorns.

Deep into her eyes, Fireshadow looked and said

''That is not a scar deep enough

Bring to me scars born in offering and a heart refined in sacrifice.''

''What must I do to prove my hearts sincerity?'' Starsong demanded.

''You must figure that alone'' Fireshadow responded.

''But I'll teach you something to help.''

Down untrodden paths, they strode

Dodging needles and thorns

Ducking under Hollybush and Fern

To come to a clearing of leaves

In the heart of which grew a rose of blue

Turned to blue flame by dawn light.

'''Why show me this?'' Asked Starsong

Fireshadow explained.

''Love is as this rose with many petals

Courtship be only one of them. The other petals are

Forgiveness, compassion, faith, and sacrifice.

You must understand those four petals

Before our love is true.''

And into the horizon, he disappeared

With Starsong wondering the meaning of his words.

By a river, Starsong sat alone

Her thoughts storming in her mind.

Do I not know forgiveness? Do I not know compassion?

Do I not know faith? Do I not know sacrifice?

What more should I do? What more could I do?

In to the water, Starsong dipped her paw

To watch the ripples rise and fall.

What corruption do I have? Is my love not pure?

Or do I only tell myself that?

How deep must my love grow, before I understand?

Starsong searched the sky, counted every star

In search of answers to the questions in her heart

But no answers lay written in the heavens.

Where do I find answers? She wondered to herself.

Gazing at the ocean of star and sky

That lay within the river.

But not answer reflected back.

Starsong raced to the boulder once more

But could not sight Fireshadow.

In his place, lay a leaf with words

She read them and found herself in tears.

My love and blood

I've been called away to war without out a chance to say good-bye.

This fighting has made me realize how much you mean to me

I wanted to love you but was afraid to give away my heart

But I know bravery now, and I can say I love you.

I fear I may die, but my love won't die with me

You waited for it to bloom and it will not wither.

My Starsong, here are my gifts

A Red Rose for our love united

A Green Rose in hopes for new beginnings

A Yellow Rose for compassion and forgiveness

A White Rose that our love be pure

If I am to die promise me that you will use them

Promise me that you will have faith in my return.

Starsong wept then plucked petals from the Red Rose

And laid them in the river one by one

Feeling as though they were not petals

But the pieces of her broken heart.

''I will wait for as long it takes for you to come home

I know you will.''

Hopeful her words were, but her heart cried a lament still.

''If you can hear me Fireshadow I promise to use these Roses well.

And if you never come, I will forever think of you.''

A screech echoed through the night,

A screech that turned Starsong's blood cold.

She raced across the ground to the sound

And was horrified to see her brother Silverlight

Lying on the earth dead and lifeless.

Over his body stood a soul in black.

Four other souls surrounded him, furious as a tempest

Screeching insults mockeries and threats hard as hail.

Fury raged through Starsong

And she raced to join the screeches

But couldn't say a thing when she saw

The black souls eyes. They were alight with fear.

None of the others seemed to care

Starsong realized she should intervene

But couldn't find the will.

He'd killed her brother she couldn't forgive him.

Then the four attacked the soul without mercy.

Then Starsong recalled her promise

Then Starsong recalled the fear in the souls eye

And found forgiveness in her heart.

She raced in front of the soul and dared to face

A foursome blinded by judgementality.

''Where grows your compassion?'' challenged she

''Does this soul not love like you?

Does this soul not sight like you?

Does he not walk the same grounds as you?

Is he not equal in worth to you?

Don't attack him because of beliefs.

Beliefs that say all black souls lie

Beliefs that say all black souls are immoral

Beliefs that say all black souls are inferior

Beliefs so strong in force

That you persecute those against them.

The mob laughed, scoffed and threatened once more

But left her alone, and departed.

The black soul gazed wearily at Starsong

She gazed calmly back and asked his name.

''Skyshadow'' Revealed he nervously.

''Why did you defend me?''

Starsong thought for a moment then pulled out the yellow rose

''Because of this'' With some hesitation, she went on

''My love gave me this rose to represent forgiveness

So I forgave you for killing my brother. ''

Starsong seemed to see dark hollows of shame in Skyshadows eyes.

He flinched and sunk in the weight of his guilt.

''I only ask one thing'' Starsong went on ''Why did you do it?"

Replied Skyshadow

''Darkhearts asked me too.

They said if the others expect me to kill I should

After all, I'm just a black soul

I'm born to serve and not be served.

I've been a member of the Darkhearts some time, you see

I wish I never joined. But I'm stuck there

They'd kill me if I left sooner or later.''

Starsong thought again then said

''If freedom comes in many paths

You should find one of your own.''

Skyshadow shook his head

''I'm a killer now it's who I am.'' Replied he

''But it doesn't have to be'' Starsong rebutted ''I was going to

join the mob who scorned you, yet now I advise you.''

Skyshadow contemplated and mused then said

''I'll try to live off what I was taught, but I doubt I ever will.''

He turned to leave, but Starsong stopped him.

''Take this yellow rose and remember compassion and


Skyshadow took the plant then left.

By dawn light, Starsong rose once more, a new fire in her heart

She headed down to the river and saw a soul beutiful as gemstone

But her haunted eyes revealed the wounds within.

Starsong asked for her name

For a long moment, the new soul kept her silence

Then she replied wearily

''Riverlight . . ''

Responded Starsong

''You look in need of rest

Why don't I shelter you?''

''No one ever shelters me'' Riverlight responded

Replied Starsong

''Then allow me to be the first.''

To Starsong's shelter, they walked

Air burning with questions and seething with emotion.

Then Starsong asked

''What is your story?''

A deep stillness settled upon Riverlight as she began

''I come from a land far away

I was once the most popular one there.

Then a great tragedy happened and they blamed me.

Though they knew I was innocent.

But they didn't care about innocence they only cared for cruelty.

They were brutal towards me.

And in the end, they drove me off the land

I've been left to waist, rot and wander the earth since.''

For three days Moonsong gave Riverlight shelter and food then

brought her aside and said

''Maybe it is time you began a new

Build a new life for yourself.''

Replied Riverlight

''I do not think it is possible

Every place I set in foot on in search for peace

Only holds rejection torture and bitter hate.''

Moonsong shrugged and said

''Then keep searching.

You're only broken to rebuild

Learn to bear your scars with courage.''

Doubt shadowed Riverlights gaze darker than night.

''Thanks for your compassion.'' Replied she at last

Starsong gave her the green rose.

''Take this rose and remember hopes for future great.''

Riverlight took the rose and raced into the skyline.

Starsong watched her run wondering if night or day lay in her


That night, Starsong sang the moonsong once more

Deeply thinking on Skyshadow and Riverlight.

She felt she'd learned the meanings of three of loves petals

Then she heard a rustle of bush and turned to see Fireshadow.

''Fireshadow! You have returned!'' Cried she.

Higher then the clouds, her heart danced for joy.

''Starsong how I've missed you!'' Whispered Fireshadow.

''If only you had an idea of what it is like to lay awake at night

Wondering if the love of your life will be alive on my return.

Did you have faith?''

Replied Starsong,

''I did something greater.''

And explained the tales of Riverlight and Skyshadow

She felt assured she had learned compassion.

She felt assured she had learned forgiveness.

She felt assured she had learned faith.

And she had some joyous news

''And I've the greatest news-I'm to have your son!''

Fireshadow said nothing he had no need to

The love and joy in his gaze spoke more than words.

Once again they sang together the song of the moon.

When a ring of souls surrounded them

Fury burning in their eyes. Murder raging in hearts.

Fear crackled in the air, chilling Starsongs blood.

Then in a flash, a war began.

Fought and fought he did but still

Fireshadow lay beneath their weapons.

''Run!'' cried he ''Protect our unborn son!''

But Starsong would not let him die

She wouldn't loose him-not ever again

She would defend him with her life.

Starsong fought with eagles courage

But soon her body lay torn and bloodied.

Before it lay their son, but he lay still with death.

And Starsong knew her breath was leaving her lungs.

''Don't grieve for me'' Gasped she to Fireshadow

''We will meet again-I know that in my heart.

Never doubt my love for you or our son.''

Thorns of mourning gripped her heart

Her son was dead.

She embraced his body and wept.

At the moment her final tears dripped upon him

All breath left her, and her son gulped his first.

Starsong was dead but her son lived.

She had, at last, learned the meaning of the petals of love.

Fireshadow's grief and agony lay too deep for tears

The claws of heartbreak tore deeper than the sea

The hole they ripped wider than the sky.

He wondered if his son's life was the gift of a mothers love.

He wondered if Starsong had died so that her son may live.

For when her last tear had fallen

For when her final breath had left her lungs

He'd come to life.

Buried her Fireshadow did

Then laid the white rose upon her grave

''Starsong'' Fireshadow spoke in grief.

''I loved you in life and I will always love you in death.

Come the future your name will be fade to dust,

But I shall never forget your name nor your memory.''

Over her burial place, he planted a garden

Of roses red, white, black, blue, yellow, and green.

Years and years flew on by, then Moonsong

Was at last wise enough to view his mothers grave.

Thus Fireshadow his father took him there and asked

If Moonsong knew the meaning of the roses.

He did not so Fireshadow explained

''The Red rose means Starsongs love for you.

The Green rose means Starsongs faithfulness.

The yellow rose means Starsongs compassion.

The white means Starsongs love for me.

The Black and Blue as one mean her sacrifice.

But they mean something more

Together the white and red rose also mean selfless love

Alone the green rose also means endless hope

Alone the yellow rose also means nonjudgementality

Together with the Black and Blue rose mean scars born with courage.''

Deep into his sons gaze Fireshadow looked and asked

''Now do you promise as you live

To always love

To always have faith

To always have compassion

To always bear your scars with courage

To always sacrifice for those you love?''

''I do'' Moonsong promised.

And somewhere above Starsong danced.

Those roses lie forgotten now

The forest no one remembers

But love faith compassion and sacrifice

Live on in our hearts

And the meaning of the roses

Now lie within each of us. 

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:22 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you, and to help get your work out the green for you on this lovely day.

Okay let's start, so you did repeat the same words quit a few times in this poem, so maybe try and find a new word to use, but it didn't bother me to much.

Anyway, I think Jabber pointed out all the things that could be fixed really well, and I'm not going to bore you by going into the same things.

I think it was a really cool idea how you turned a story into such a wonderful poem, that bore such emotion, that just overwhelms the reader. And makes them have a better connection with the characters. Which had quit the personalty, which I grew fond of quit quickly.
I'm also loving the way you have described everything. I felt like i was there with Starsong as everything was happening, your description was very simple, but it was enough.
I also think the length of this poem was perfect, it told us everything we needed to no, and it didn't feel like you were over explaining things.
Over all I think you should make more poems like this because I think your really good at this.
I'm glad I got yet another chance to read and review your work. I hope you will keep writing amazing things. Have a great day or night, ether one.

Your friend and faithful reader.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

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1453 Reviews

Points: 82682
Reviews: 1453

Mon Jun 24, 2019 8:35 pm
JabberHut wrote a review...

Gosh, I just honestly love this so freaking much.

I truly believe you have a gem on your hands that, with some good polish, could be such a beautiful piece to be proud of. And therefore, I have some comments, conncerns, suggestions, and reactions that will hopefully make enough sense to help you with the next draft. And it's all given with the firm belief that this has a ton of potential, and you along with it as the writer behind it.

I simply love this story. I think it's simply enchanting, and the voice you're using reflects that feeling even more. It's really just beautiful. You have such a unqiue idea with these colored Souls in what, I imagine, is a mystical forest of sorts. It feels very other-worldly (I think there was a line that mentioned Earth which kinda popped my fantasy bubble XD) and just unique. There's a ton of symbolism and imagery that you can use here, which is also why using poetry format seems to just work so well for this fantasy story.

This does feel more like a Starsong Ballad since it's mostly about her, but I do appreciate that Moonsong is a character who appears far later in the story and how this ballad turns out to be a lesson for Moonsong, so I kinda like the title anway. Ballads are so much fun because they are stories with a musical feel to it (or are simply put to music straight-up).

I do think punctuation and proper grammar would do this piece justice. There's a lot of grammatical errors that made this a bit difficult to read. It might even be easier to correct by writing it out as sentences before putting in line breaks just to get a feel for how the sentences are supposed to connect and end. Then you can insert line breaks that hopefully make sense. There are several that felt a bit clunky, but I won't point those out unless specifically requested or perhaps the next draft. Additionally, I think verses would also work, but I wonder if maybe you had stanzas broken up already and the site formatting might have messed with that. I mention it just in case, but I understand either case. :D

I apologize my grammar edit doesn't go into more detail, but I like doing those in later drafts. Just let me know if you want that kind of review!

So I want to move on to the FICTION side of this because, again, I just really love this story. This is a long poem, but the story is just so rich and full that this could, in fact, be longer to create more emotion for the characters, to revel in their feelings, to send waves of sad and loss and happiness and love at the reader over and over again. This is such a roller coaster of an epic that could be dived into even more.

Considering the use of the word "soul" in this piece, my brain imagined it rather literally. A soul of red, a soul of black. I imagined humanoid figures but basically red shadows or black shadows of humans with this ghostly aura to it. I don't know how else to describe it. But since about halfway down, we get into war and flesh and blood, it actually confused me. So I think some more description earlier on to express that this is a man and a woman in love, they are not actually spirits or mythical creatures of any sort, would help establish what we're looking at. Maybe they're fairies, maybe they're elves, maybe they're human. None of these terms were used though, and using the term "soul" does not include any sort of flesh and blood in the definition. It refers to a sense of being, a sentient spirit, however it may reside on this land.

I love this idea of colored roses. These five colors and roses pop up a lot, and I think this is such a poetic way to reinforce these five traits over and over again. Now, I think the piece is trying to juggle more positive traits than it can handle with only four colors, so narrowing it down to a simple four might work out best. Then throwing in a fifth at the end, the blue or black, will stand out more because Fireshadow is amending the list with a new life lesson learned. So let's say this:

Red = Love
Green = Hope
Yellow = Compassion
White = Purity

Then at the end, we amend to the list with a fifth:

Blue = Forgiveness

Because while Starsong understood forgiveness, Fireshadow did not. So while Starsong learned of these four traits, Fireshadow learned a lesson from her as well and a fifth petal is formed on the blue rose. Or something like that. Maybe the fifth color is black, drawing a tie to Skyshadow the black soul, who had a whole thing about black souls being forgotten or ignored.

That kind of thing. So if you kind work with that, then as you constantly refer to these colors, they will always correspond to these values. Reorganizing the colors, the petals, the traits, and how they all work together will help make a lot more sense and bring so much more symbolism to your piece.

Also, to quickly add a concern I had, I thought the pregnancy was a bit random. There could be more foreshadowing leading to this point 'cause I didn't think they spent that much time together. I also don't know how far along she was, so was the baby that was suddenly born actually a baby yet? That part all confused me a bit, so I'd also probably rethink the birthing bit.

I think those are my biggest points, so I'm going to leave it at that. Again, just reorganizing the theme of this poem and then diving into each of the story arcs even more could really help tie all of these loose ends together. It's really a work of fiction told in a different format, so definitely treat it like one!

Beautiful draft. I really, really loved this. Thank you so much for this piece. It might have even planted a seed of inspiration for a new project, and I don't know what to do about that. But I really did enjoy this, and I hope you had just as much fun writing it!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Remember: no stress allowed. Have fun, and learn from your fellow writers - that's what storybooks are all about.
— Wolfical