Young Writers Society

Hey Katnes,

Shady here with a review for your lovely little NaPo poem! A bit of a disclaimer before I begin, I am not overly experienced with poetry. I've written a bit and read a bit more, but if someone on here disagrees with what I say, you probably want to go with them. Nonetheless, I can point out things I like and things I don't like as a novice poet myself.

I must say, though, that I enjoyed this poem. I think it does a good job of conveying of complicated inner emotions that people outside will never be able to see much less understand. I also like how you started with more physical descriptors with the robe and the sandals and the crown, but then shift it more towards an emotional feeling.

I think it's good because it starts out tangible making it easier to grasp, but then changes over to what the substance of the poem is about -- secrets, desires, the inner essence of a person.

Keep writing!

~Shady

I like this poem much more. You're great at conveying grief and angst, there's an anger in the speaker's voice that really shines through. I would play around with form a bit more to split this into separate stanzas, though, there's no reason for it to continue on as one great long stanza since there's more than one thought.

It's also a bit unclear to me what the image of the "crown" is supposed to entail. You describe it in physical form, but then later on describe it as more of an inner-nature sort of thing. If it's a physical crown that you wear on your head, why can the person the speaker is referring to not see it? And what's so special about it compared to this "ring of passion" that this person can see the ring, but cannot see the crown?