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Envision

by Katnes


 Welcome old friend to my palace and domain.

Gaze upon the magnificence of stardust

Glimpse the beauty of worlds you've never seen.

I entreat you to follow me,

You ask what will become when you die

I know the answers curious one

I dare not tell you them except that you must dream

For you could drown in the depths of my oceans

Climb my mountains, search the stars in my skies

But you will not find them.

For only in dreams do they lay

I may tell you all death be and let me attempt

She is a moon shadow at night

The flames that dance in wildfire

A gift in starry waters deep

A present on moonlit earth above

You can know all she is

But you can never envisage

what will transpire when she takes you.

Ah, you persist my friend!

I shall strive to explain

When you breathe your last

Your flesh shall dispose to Earth.

But you shall transform and gain strength by death.

You shall be set free of chains

and tread amongst the stars

You shall find a place unknown

A quiet beach, a sunrise oversky

Shooting stars eternally falling

every galaxy gyrating through the sky,

All their secrets revealed.

Your soul will be at peace

A quiet shall come upon you.

This is the place of rest where

All hurt is mended

All guilt is released

All shame is cleansed

Washed away by the waters in the shore.

You shall gain true life renewed.

You cannot understand?

That is to be expected.

The transformation is unexplainable.

It is a cosmos mysterious

But the change is the epitome of all you are.


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User avatar
93 Reviews


Points: 9455
Reviews: 93

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Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:30 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



I’ll just compliment you on your tagline. I think the effect would’ve been five times better if envision wasn’t a real word. Because of that, people would rather search envision halfway through the poem. But that tagline is still memorable. Try inventing a word next time for your title. It sure attracts a to of people. So. For the rhyming scheme, it’s kinda irregular, even though we do feel the rhymes. You also seem to insist on the sky.. which gives his kinda complex and unknown feeling. The problem, well not really a problem rather something hard to follow, is that you jump from points to description to another point and then another. For example, that last stanza. I mean, I got what you meant.. but maybe you should try something a bit more restrained. Your ideas are all over the place. It might be to give this impression you have when looking in the sky, and if so; you did a good job. So yeah. Maybe some more comparison, a little bit less dialogue (like when you say “You can not understand?/ That is to be expected”) and a bit more description on both the evolution of feelings/thoughts/..
Keep writing!
Oh and btw, I think your poem is clearly about imagination. But it also has, for me, reflected escapism.




Katnes says...


Thanks for your review!! It was very touching. No,the poem is not about imagination-it is about death, and what happens after we die.



silvermoon17 says...


Envision..? Death..? If you say so.. nice twist XD



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482 Reviews


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Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:44 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with yet another review for you on this yet again rainy day. I'll try and make it short, and help get this wonderful work out the green room.

Okay let's begin.
So I didn't see anything wrong with this wonderful peace of work I thought everything was done to the very best, I couldn't have done it any better, even if I tried.
Now what I think this poem is about, hmm let me think...A could it be your own imagination? Because that is what give you good time, and sometimes bad? because I think it's your imagination is because you can always imagine a better world. If it's not that, then you will have to tell me, because I other wise have no clue. XD.
Now I am just loving the name you have picked for this poem, it is really what made me come and read this work, I didn't no it was from you until I saw your avatar. I also think it goes with the poem so well, its the key peace.
Now talking of your poem, it just blew me away! It was amazing, I started reading and from there I couldn't stop, it had such a wonderful flow to it, and it held this excitement, and wonder in it. And sometimes it will get spooky for a little bit. Over all I'm really amazing with out well this came out.
Well that's all from me for now. I'm really glad I came to read and review this work, it was really well done, one of your finer works I would think. So keep writing poetry, because you are getting really good at it, and post soon on YWS. Have a great day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




Katnes says...


Thank you for your reivew! It is touching.
No this isn't about imagination. This poem is about death and what happens after we die. And eternity.





Oh I wasn't' close at all. :P Oh well it was worth a guess.




cron
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss