I like being sad,
It's messed up, I know.
But it hurts when you say
How crazy I am.
How I need to talk to Somebody.
It's funny how "Somebody"
Almost always means a therapist.
What is there to talk about?
I don't want to fix being sad,
If being happy just means
Plastering a fake smile on my face
And wearing it like a mask
That never fades.
So what if I don't want to?
To smile, I mean.
What if I want to cry,
To be sad and mourn
Over things that are irrelevant?
What if I don't want to smile?
Will you watch me cry?
Will you judge me?
I don't want to smile.
Smiling is for happy people.
I know I should be happy.
I have nothing to be sad about,
Maybe I'm just selfish.
But smiling is for happy people.
And I am not a happy person.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi BitterRosemary, I really enjoyed this piece. I feel the same on a daily basis. Society wanting you to plaster on a fake smile and be happy, so they don't have to worry about your pain. Because your pain is to much for them to handle. Everything your feeling is wrong to them, but you can't help but to feel it. As the darkness swoops in and consumes you, they expect you to be happy.
This piece rocked me to my inner core. It was honest and realistic. I find no fault in it. I enjoyed this piece deeply. Keep up the good work.
This is peculiar to me. It is as if you are saying you don't want to be happy, but the definition of happy is pleasure, not a fake plastered smile.
The last verse is probably your best. I am not totally sure why. Perhaps it is the last two lines that does it. The "people" and "person" mirroring between the last two lines.
Just on a strange idea I think it would be nice strange and logical to make the first two lines of the second verse one. I would like that.
Keep up the good work
Take That You Fiend!
I know how you feel
This was one of the few poems that not only appealing, it was riveting my inner thoughts. You don't use a formal tone either, which is the better choice in this case. It's more on a level where anyone can understand--those who understand the message or have experienced such.
I like how you capitalize "Somebody" and compare it to people's assumptions. It's making good use of figurative language. However, you can try to use words other than using "sad" all the time.
Hey there! BitterRosemary here to give you a review.
First off, this is... indescribable. It's like you got in my head and wrote down all the thoughts there.
I personally connected to this piece, and I absolutely love it. People always tell me that to get "better" I have to want it and try, but I refuse to wear a mask, just like you.
Now to technical. I really liked the way this was laid out
You centralized your ideas in each stanza; each line means something, each line connects to the next and the one before it.
Overall, outstanding job.
LOVED IT 10 OUTTA 10!!!
Never stop writing,
BitterRosemary