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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Uprising

by Gravity


The angry men inside us whisper the true meaning,
hardly daring to utter that which you wish not to hear.
They speak of wicked doings executed by
the rich man that swears they will, but never do. 

We dress under covers of color
with our souls drawn out, hidden.
We emit words of feeble passion
echoed screams of things we swear will change
but in the end, they never do, do they?

Angry men, hidden in our hearts
not yet awakened
praying for the day we will be equal
the day where things will change
not yet ready to push us out of our beds
not yet ready to shove us into action.

Will we ever be ready?
Will we ever demand the change we desperately need?
Will we ever be able to ignore our selfish minds
and come to an agreement to help those that ache for it?

Rise, I call ye!
Rise to face the sun,
to scream at the rich man
for him to give to the poor man
for the poor man to take unselfishly.

Rise, I call ye!
Ignore your wretched misgivings!
See us not as a belief,
a race,
a religion,
but a person.
Not rich or poor in wealth,
but rich in love,
rich in acceptance.

Rise, I call ye!
Make the change we are destined to make
emerge into a new genesis, a new dawn
A new beginning of which we are all babes,
reborn.

Rise.


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User avatar
11 Reviews


Points: 441
Reviews: 11

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Mon May 02, 2016 6:19 pm
JustJasper wrote a review...



Hi!
The first thing I would like to say is that I absolutely love the way you wrote this! Your message made me really happy and hopeful for the future. I know our world is a mess and everyone is angry or pessimistic so that's why your poem made me so happy. It is good to know that other people feel the same way I do about life.
I think your poem is great and I don't really have any tips for improvement (sorry). Maybe experimenting with word choice would be helpful.




Gravity says...


thank you so much! means a lot :)



User avatar
285 Reviews


Points: 237
Reviews: 285

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Mon May 02, 2016 6:00 pm
GreenTulip wrote a review...



Hello, Tulip here to give you a review on your poem "Uprising".

One thing to really say too this poem is wow. This work caused me to sit on the edge of my seat the entire way through because it caught my attention and kept it the entire way through. I must say that when a poem does that, I have high standards for it. All of which yours met.

I did not find anything that was really wrong with it based off of grammar or spelling, which is good. So I don't really have anything to really suggest for changing. But using Grammarly for me didn't bring up anything but since I don't have the premium version I don't know what else it may have shown wrong.

I loved your poem, the imagery was powerful due to the words that you used which is amazing. The images were strong and clear and the words just made them so much more powerful. I can't say anything bad about your poem because it is good.

You are a good poem writer, and I don't know if it is your strongest area but keep going at it.

~Keep calm and write on~
~~Tulip~~




Gravity says...


thank you for your kind words :D




The wince that you wince when you see your quote in the quote generator is quite a wince, I tell ya. To know that the whole YWS community has read and judged your quote is quite an awkward feeling like oh noes. *manly blush*
— Arcticus