Young Writers Society

Ahhh I read this in an altogether Doctor Who-ey way. Lovely though

Hey there!!

Well, this poem was well-written and had great imagery. It was rather dreary when I pictured it, but very appealing at the same time.

The capitalization of Rose makes her into a person and adds meaning to this poem. I absolutely, without a doubt, LOVE the title. And just the line, "God bless the broken Rose," is powerful. The third stanza was by far my favorite because it actually gives a hint as to what had happened to break this girl.

On the fourth stanza, though, instead of "Their path, twisting, winding," you could change it a bit to make it flow more smoothly.

It could be something like this:

The petals scattered to and fro,
Their path was twisting, winding.
Please, God, bless the broken Rose
Who failed to see her binding.

There were a few misplaced commas I noticed. You didn't need any in the third line of the first stanza, the first and third of the third stanza, and the third line of the last stanza.

The last line had me thinking for a bit. What binding? Is it an emotional hold on someone that she refused to let go? Was it something that held her back?

None of the errors took away much from the poem, so don't fret. I really, really liked reading this lovely job!!

-DarkHeart

Oh why, oh why, you are just 14 and you write poems that THRILLS my heart and cause Goosebumps all over my body ???!!!

Ahem! Anyways, you're great, just GREAT. I hope that's enough for you to understand how much I endeared your poem?

God bless you "defyingravity01" .

*-*
~MarS

Hello! I love the theme of this poem, especially your use of metaphor - it painted a lovely rueful watercolor in my mind. The title fits well.

I have some suggestions as to how you could make it even better - it's up to you if you use them.

"The petals will not bloom,
They fall to the floor.
She dies as you walk,
Turning to the door."

I feel that this part does not flow very well in comparison to the other stanzas; it seems rather abrupt and choppy. It could use more syllables. Maybe something like this:

"The petals will not bloom -
They slowly fall upon the floor.
She dies just as you walk,
Turning sadly to the door."

Etc. That's just an example.

Also, a comma after the first line would make for easier reading.

The last line of the first stanza somehow doesn't fit, I'm not sure why. "Looking" could be replaced by a deeper word like "gazing" etc.

And one more thing:

"The petals scattered to and fro,
Their path, twisting, winding.
Please God, bless the broken Rose,
Who failed to see her binding."

The second line in the stanza also appears choppy, I think. It could use some rewording. For example: "Their twisted path a-winding."

Overall, I found this poem to be quite beautiful and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I hope you find my suggestions helpful.

Hey there. Here to review your poem!

This is very beautiful. I could find no fault in it. You used the right words and that helped smooth the flow. I liked several lines here, but my favorite lines have to be:

God bless the broken Rose,
Who died and blew away.
God bless the broken Rose,
Who begged for you to stay.

This is a really nice poem indeed once again, defyingravity!
Your flow is pretty much perfect and I usually don't review rhyming poems but I thought this was most certainly worth a review

A couple of little improvements that could be made though...:
"After looking at your face."
This just seemed a bit strange with the wording, almost breaking it up a bit and ruining the flow slightly?
Perhaps try to cut down a syllable or two in it, just to make the reader glide over it
The rest of this poem was great though, I really enjoyed reading it and you are seriously awesome.
I can't suggest anything else to make it better I'm afraid, but I still hope that this short review helped Great work.
-CFG