Young Writers Society

Hi defyingravity01,here is Dark to give review on your poem!

Your poem is simple but very enthralling. The way you give expressions are very interesting and pleasing.The theme is maybe simple but the messages is good and nice to digest through my mind.

#"His warm brown eyes,
His shy smile.
The way he holds
My hand in his.'-->However, the rhythm of the poem in the first stanza seems less interesting and odd.

Anyway,This is my favorite stanza;

#As he presses his lips
Against my cheek,
I know he's mine
And I am his.-->So nice and cute^^

The rest is good.But I know you can do more than this.Try use some words that poetic and maybe you should use some metaphor and simile in your poem.I like your poem,keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

This is a cute poem! I hate being the critical one, but here's what I think could be improved about it...
It's sweet and cute, but the emotion falls flat to me...the line "He thinks I'm beautiful,/Although I don't" just reads as cliche to me. It's something used so often that it barely sparks any emotion to me. Many people have had this feeling, including myself, and it means a lot when thought privately, but in a poem it's simple and cliche, which makes the emotion hard to come across.

I would like to know instead, does he actually make you feel beautiful, and how? If not, what does he feel is beautiful about you? How does that make you feel? I want to hear about your unique love story, not something that can describe multiple relationships.

I would like to know, how is the way he holds your hand special? How does it make you feel, emotionally, physically? Of course holding hands with a significant other is special, but I want to know more so I can actually feel it when I'm reading the poem.

Overall, I think it's a sweet poem and I feel that if you dug deeper and truly let your emotions free, this could improve lots, and there's always room for improvement, for everyone.

A very cute and happy love poem.

The rhythm of the poem seems a little off. Sometimes there's rhyme and sometime's there's not. It's very distracting when reading. It bothers me that the first stanza isn't really a sentence at all, and the rest of them are. '

I like the shortness of each line. It's a short poem, but the pauses slow it down and give it a softer, more gentle touch.

I hope you found this useful! I really did like it. 4/5 stars.

Hello, hope you find my review informative. I really don't have much time today so excuse me if I miss something out or the review is too short. A really wonderful poem. I love this poem in every aspect. I had a hard time figuring out your mistakes and as others have said you could improve with your rythm but other that this is lovely. A wonderful genre you have chosen here. Hope to read more of your poems.
-Anshira
P.S. Your ending was brilliant.

Hey Gravity! Hightop here, warming up my reviewing skills for Review Day. Let's get to it!

First thing that irked me during my reading was stanza four. I felt that after the emotion displayed in stanza three, paragraph four brought us right around to the description of him, primarily showed in the opening stanzas. I would suggest switching the stanzas. This would also give you a more natural transition into stanza five.

Now onto the more nit-picky of things.

His warm brown eyes,
His shy smile.

The way he holds
My hand in his.

I know he's mine
And I am his.

He loves me,
the way I am

Because he's
Him.

So cute! I love this, it is so sweet and romantic and corny.

I think what you have here is really good already, but I'll try and give you a good and decent review with ways that you can make this even better, or ideas to put into practice in the next poem you write.

The rhythm of this piece wasn't very consistent. There were a lot of lines that didn't quite flow right, so I had to reread the lines and mentally mold them a certain way so that they would continue to flow like the rest of the poem. One example of this is the last stanza:

"How loves me,
the way I am."

This line break seems a little bit abrupt, and messes with the rhythm a bit. See if you can reword this so that it fits more easily.

Another stanza might be kind of nice, just to give us more and give us a better clearer picture of him. I always like more detail, and while I don't think you left places to add detail the way it is, I think you could fit in another stanza with more reasons why he is so great.

Finally, I like that you don't give him a name, since it allows any girl to put her own guy in his place. I also love that when you mentioned the kiss it was a kiss on the cheek, because I just think that is so adorable.

So, basically, this is really sweet and simple, but it doesn't flow all that well in some parts, and I think you could make it a little longer if you want. All in all, nice job. Let me know if you have any questions or comments, and keep writing!

I love this poem! It's very relatable with the way that you are using only pronouns to address each individual characters in the poem. It also flows really nicely, although there isn't any rhyme scheme or whatever. Maybe you can consider making it a bit longer for the arc?

I really like it though, it made me smile.