Why the long face?
So dismal and gray,
I'll just add a splash of color
And then be on my way.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,790 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Timmy here!
So this will be a short review because the piece is short... but I still want to leave you with something possibly helpful. I've been trying to review poems and be a bit more diverse with my nitpicks and comments - going more for commenting on the content than simplistic stuff. Perhaps I can find something here. ^.^
Really, after reading this poem over a few times - searching for something to talk about the entire time, something to critique - I don't think there is anything constructive I can give you. The piece is short. Very short. Almost like you took this huge poem and crammed it down into four short lines... making them work. Because they do work wonderfully. When I read through this, I did see that this was a big story, but I didn't look at it and ask "where is the rest?" I think you told me everything I need to know in this poem, and lengthening it would both damage the perfect rhyming scheme you have (I just love how you did the rhyme. <3), but more than that - it would extrapolate on an idea that should be left alone. This is just the perfect length. Tells your story, but gives the reader a chance to fill in the sides that you leave open. And I like how it was narrated by you. You're the one asking me why my face is long. That brought the poem in even closer.
I thought that this piece was perfect. Nothing that could be added or taken away--
WAIT
*wipes sweat off forehead* Okay, I did find something. The word long has something to do with faces, yeah, and the depression and such. But, if you think about it, the length of something has no relation to the idea in this poem - adding color. I think you could take that word and change it to something that implies the lack of color. Perhaps a blank face or something similar would adhere more to the idea you have. ^.^
Now I feel very proud of myself. I thought I was going to have to leave this without anything constructive. Now there is a sort of nitpick there for you to look at. But besides that, I am just marveling at how you did this. Four short lines, but such a neat story inside. *thinks that it would be a good song idea*
So this was amazing. I love, love the length. Well done.
~Darth Timmyjake
I like this poem even though it lacks in length. I think that if you added more to it, use it as a base, you could create a really powerful piece of work. I like the message that you are trying to convey about little acts of kindness. I think that it has a large message for the amount of words it contains. I like how this stanza sounds:
"I'll just add a splash of color
And then be on my way."
Good Poem! Thanks for sharing!
So, I see it's a little hard to write an actual review for something that's just four lines and only twenty words, but I will try. We need to get the green room back to normal!
"I'll just add a splash of color" Okay, so this doesn't rhyme with "face" (from "Why the long face?) and it should, because right now you have a A B C B rhyme scheme. That should be fixed.
Overall, I thought this little verse was very cute, and you should try to write a longer piece over it. All you really need to do is make color and face rhyme. Sorry, but I have no advice for you on how to do that.
Alex out!
Actually the rhyme scheme was intended to be ABCB. Not ABAB so I don't think there's anything wrong with the rhyme scheme
Oh and there are 21 words XD
Oh okay!
This is ....where simplicity works its magic! I can't review this..there's nothing to review.
now now
this is so wow
i love your poem, my friend
But why so so soon did it end?
You write great stuff
but it just ain't enough
you defy law of gravity
you've got some creativity
may god give you pizzas two
Oh one for me and one for you
the poem is great and so are you
and oh for this i give you two on two!
REVIEW FOR THE POEM:
Why the long face?
So dismal and gray,
I'll just add a splash of color
And then be on my way.
Why the long face?
So dismal and gray,
I'll just add a splash of color
And then be on my way.
Why the long face?
So dismal and gray,
I'll just add a splash of color
And then be on my way.