When my chest gets tight,
When I find it hard to breathe.
When I can't say a word,
It's out of my control.
When I see a person,
Who looks like you,
I feel the physical pain
Of a stake being driven
Through my heart.
As effortlessly as,
The glass that shatters
Beneath my feet.
These awful attacks,
Of panic that seize
My hurting heart,
And demented mind.
They are completely
Out of my control.
They kill me inside,
As I silently suffocate.
It's not from love,
But more from abuse.
While I loved the abuse,
I don't want it back.
Because your words,
And your caged love,
Stabbed me in the heart
With every "I love you".
How can I escape it?
The words on my lips,
That never leave my mind,
Nor my body or my soul.
With each passing breath,
I think of your abuse.
I think of the "I love you"
That betrayed my body
Into reacting in ways,
I never thought possible.
I'm torn up inside,
Like paper in shreds
That was cut by your
Loving scissors, and
Supportive knives.
Your "love" and "support",
Cause these attacks.
It was from you,
Someone not right for me.
In your perverse ways,
My control and my will,
Have vanished with our sins.
They will vanish with your life,
As it fades from existence.
And as it begins to fade,
Know that mine did too.
From memories that induced,
These Attacks of Panic.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I loved how this poem had so much emotion. It didn't focus much on poetic elements, which can sometimes be bad, but in this case just provided more emotion. You didn't flit around the meaning of the poem but got directly to the message you wanted. This was perfectly done and makes sense with the subject matter and words in the poem such as "a stake being driven through my heart" or "scissors" and "knives." The poem felt like scissors, knives, and stakes. I could feel everything you were describing because you put it in such a simple, yet emotional way.
sorry about the empty comment...I don't know what happened
Hi, defyinggravity! I want to say that this was a really lovely poem and I liked it a lot. the emotions were portrayed to its best and this made reading this poem enjoyable. I loved the way you started and ended the poem paticularly your endind- thumbs up for that!
my favurite stanza would be:
"These awful attacks,
Of panic that seize
My hurting heart,
And demented mind.
They are completely
Out of my control.
They kill me inside,
As I silently suffocate."
Overall: a very nice poem.
- Anshira; Ink force
Really intimate and emotional poem.
I would like to start off by saying that I feel this poem is possibly one of the best poems to have been written recently on this site. Not to say the other poems of recent are bad, I just think that this was the first poem to have so much thought and feeling injected into it, that it transcended onto me, the reader.
Let's start off with the writing style. I feel that this style is simplistic, but it works in the poems favour. The poem has an urgency to get to the main point that it is trying to make, like the first line;
"When my chest gets tight,
When I find it hard to breathe.
When I can't say a word,
It's out of my control."
This line is written in a way that makes me feel the exact pain of this experience and it certainly hooks you onto the poem and pushes you to find out the rest of what it has to show.
I also like how the poem transitions. At first you may think that the poem is about a person with a panic attack;
"These awful attacks,
Of panic that seize
My hurting heart,
And demented mind.
They are completely
Out of my control.
They kill me inside,
As I silently suffocate."
Then the poem takes a quick one-eighty degree turn and shows you that it is talking about a damaged or broken heart;
"Your "love" and "support",
Cause these attacks.
It was from you,
Someone not right for me."
These transitions make the poem highly fascinating, as while I may feel the way the vivid descriptions make me think about what panic attacks are, you cleverly trick the reader by revealing that this is about a broken heart and this, as far as I'm concerned is a marvelous achievement. I do hope that you intend to write more poems like this, as you've gained yourself a new follower.
10/10
Thank you so much. I very much appreciate this! It means a lot
Your welcome
Hello there! Dragon here, and of course I'm here to review your lovely poem. I could feel the pain that lay within this poem, but maybe a few things to fix, or keep in mind for the future.
just a minor nitpick but I think this should be when I see someone, it seems to flow nicer.This line didn't make much sense, to me at least. Maybe it has a deeper meaning, but to me it seems to be that she misses the abuse, maybe physical but most likely the pain of being told I love you when there was no meaning behind it. Its a hard line to criticize when there are so many different meanings, maybe change loved to love? It might make a little more sense then, but again that's just me.
I kind of laughed at this part, no offense, but dish towels doesn't seem to work best on this line. I can see your mindset of this line, but maybe a different word, now I'm not too sure but if you wanted something maybe a little heavy in your poem, you can say I'm torn up inside, like my arms so red and blue, cut by your loving scissors and supportive knife. But that's just me. I see where your coming from with this story, but also see where I'm coming from as well. All in all, It's a dutifully well written poem, but poems can have different meaning depending on the individual, so there is my thoughts of your poem:D well done once again