I stand on the surface
of this beautiful Earth.
And I think to myself:
"Will the Universe ever end?"
I look up and I look down,
and I decide that it won't.
Some things are infinite,
while other things end.
I'm on top of the world,
and at the moment,
nothing will ever bring me down.
But the thing about being at the very top,
is that the only thing to do once you get there,
Is To Fall.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I like the ending a lot; very dramatic. Good job with that. The two lines that aren't quite as clear as they could be are "and at the moment, nothing will EVER bring me down." Maybe it's supposed to be like that and I'm thinking about it too simply, but it seems like if nothing will ever bring you down, then that kind of contradicts the at the moment part. Other than that, it's a really good poem, great job with it.
Sorry this review's so short; that's really all I have to say about it though. Happy Review Day!
-tgirly
Hello Defyingravity,
First, I should say that your poem is very interesting and well written. You have good word choices, and the end was unexpected, I should say ; but it was good. At the ending, I'm guessing that you are meaning to say that the person, 'I', am not going to fall at the moment, but is going to.. someday (implied by 'Is To Fall'). You brought out the infinite Universe, although I could ask, how does standing on the surface of Earth connect with the Universe never ending, because you know.. I would think about the "Beautiful Earth" rather than the Universe. But that's just what I think
Great job at writing this poem, and keep writing on! (Or typing)
This really isn't a great review, but hey, consider it whichever you want. Great poetry! By the way, I'm not sure if the word "Universe" needs to be capitalized. It is something that changes between the individual writing. About the Universe/universe being infinite, that is a notion which causes controversy among many scientists and astronomers. In 1948, Fred Hoyle, Thomas Gold, and Hermann Bondi proposed that the universe is eternal and infinite in time and size. They said that it had no beginning and no end. But scientists disagreed and so started the Steady State Theory which argues that the universe does not physically or appear to change over time because as galaxies recede from the Milky Way and disappear from view, new galaxies are formed from new matter and remains the same in density. Thus the unobserved universe appears to be never changing. But I realize that this wasn't the real point of your poem but just a fragment or piece of it. I also must point out that when you write, to be sure that the first letter of each line should be capitalized or at least all lowercase. It makes the poem look grammatically correct. I hope you continue writing. Keep up the good work!
Thanks. I actually am going to review your review. I used the Universe as a proper noun since the narrator of the poem was actually there. And when I was writing it, I wasn't really thinking about the scientific aspect of it since most scientists agree that the Universe actually is infinite. And For a free verse poem, it's typical to only capitalize after periods and punctuation that signal an end to a sentence. If you look closely at my punctuation, you'll see that I did this properly. It's really a poet's choice where he or she wants to capitalize. I appreciate your review and the great facts you gave me about the Universe, space fascinates me