All those promises you made
have suddenly turned to dust.
You'd always be there for me.
You'd always be my friend.
Even though I fell in love with you,
you promised you wouldn't leave.
You promised I could confide in you.
You promised I could count on you.
So where are you now?
Now that my heart is broken
and you're the one who broke it.
Now that I'm cut in half,
now that I'm going through real pain.
Now that I've opened myself up to you.
My lovely liar, where are you now?
I suppose it shouldn't matter
because wherever you are,
you're far away from me.
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139,547 Literary Works • 672,606 Reviews
Timmy here!
So this will be a short review for this poem, mainly just because I can't find anything to nitpick. This piece was done very well, and I think that since you were involved with this person back then, and really struggling to get past their lies, it was a perfect piece for you to write. They say that our emotions are transferred into our writing, and many of our best ideas come from the times when we're either happy or depressed - this case, depressed. Because I think we allow our emotions to flow at those times. Whatever the case, I think this poem was full of emotion, and I could feel your pain all too well.
This line was confusing to me. :/ So you're saying here that even though - like, despite the fact - you fell in love with this person, they promised they wouldn't leave. The way you worded the two lines made me think the other person didn't want you to fall in love with them. And I don't know if that is what you intended or not, but His Beautiful Lies told me that he said he loved you... but perhaps I am just jumping to conclusions here. ^.^
With all the lovely repetition you have in here, which really just built onto the emotion and power of the piece, the repeating words/lines becoming like a deafening roar each time they were repeated... it just seems as though you could have maintained it throughout this line. Yeah, you started it and repeated the Now that... and while this is really just a stylistic choice, I think you could have structured the last two lines as you did the first. Purely stylistic of a choice, but I think it would help the flow.
This line, to me, was so chilling. You just bared everything about you to him, and then he threw you away. I find myself not liking this guy. >.<
Beautiful use of consonance. I love this line so much. <3
I think this was the weakest line of the poem. Not because of the message, but I think because of the wording. I think you could strengthen it by adding a sense of resolve and bitterness. In this poem, I don't see as much bitterness as much as sadness. Throughout the poem, I see line after line of beautiful sadness, and it's so heart wrenching. Out of every line, this one above ^^ was the weakest to me. I think you could keep the message, but tweak the wording to become something stronger.
I find myself not knowing what else to say, really. :/ You've done a wonderful job with this poem, and it is just so full of sadness - telling of his betrayal. The repetition just built up the feeling, and really helped the flow and message in here. This poem was beautiful, and even though I know you wrote it while in that situation we talked about what now seems to long ago, I loved it. Just not that it happened to you, or anyone. I just think you did a beautiful job writing it.
Perhaps I shall catch another poem of yours, if you like. I enjoy them.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hey, Gravity. I love me a good romantic poem about heartbreak as I tend to write some of them myself. So, let's see what you have here.
1st verse: While I liked these first few sentences and agreed with you that promises turn to dust when you're in love with a liar, I feel like it wasn't the best way to start the poem in my eyes. For me, it's all about impact with poetry because it has to be. It was a nice start, however.
2nd verse: I can't say anything bad about this verse. I'm also a big fan of the realistic aspect of this verse. I like the fact that you put in specific promises that were mentioned in the first verse.
3rd verse: In the second verse, you say that "you promised you wouldn't leave" and then in this verse you say "you promised I could count on you" and I feel like those are the same thing in a way so it's a little bit repetitive.
4th verse: Nothing to see here.
5th verse: I'm not sure how I feel about this entire verse. The poem itself seems like an angry letter written to a previous boyfriend who broke your heart. That's awesome in a sense but I haven't gotten to see where the "his beautiful lies" come in. I guess to me, the poem title and the poem subject strayed. In my mind, at least, beautiful is good. You state good things that he promised but I guess I expected something else from the title.
6th verse: Nothing to see here.
7th verse: I liked the ending. "Wherever you are, you're far away from me." To me, this ends it on a note that seems as though it's a good thing they aren't near you. It's good that they're not there to hurt you anymore.
Overall: I liked it. Aside from the things that I mentioned about my own opinion on how I thought the poem was going to go, it was good. In the end, poetry is about what the writer is feeling and where the writer feels the poem is going to go. Keep writing!
Nice poem! This gives a good description of heart break indeed. I saw few mistakes except for one. You misspelled heart and said hear instead. It is a simple mistake even the best writers make so don't feel bad about it! To make poems a bit more interesting, try adding more similes and metaphors. It makes comparing easier and makes the poem sound even more exciting! Great poem! I loved it! Keep up the good work! Corgisrock22