Show Me

Hey there Forestqueen You're in the same storybook as me aren't you?

I must say, I did enjoy reading your poem.
Although, it was a bit on the cliche side. Being cliche is fine, as long as you give your poem some originality. For a bit of a cliche poem, I think that you actually did a pretty good job!

Why won't you show me
Just how you really feel?

I agree with what peanut said on these lines. They don't seem to flow very well. Like peanut suggested, 'Why won't you just show me, how you really feel' would flow a lot better!

Overall, I think that your poem was very good! This might just be my opinion, but I think that you could use a bit more emotion. You seem to be telling the reader what is happening and not making them feel what is happening.

Polish your poem up a bit, take us reviewers advice, and you will end up with a really good poem!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Hey Emily! I'm gonna try to review this.

Why won't you show me
Just how you really feel?

Okay, this line doesn't really flow that well, I don't think. I think it would be better to take out the just or change it to: Why won't you just show me how you really feel? It'd make it easier to read.

Show me that you love me.
Show me that your words are real.
Make our love not just a fantasy.
Show me.

Okay here it goes from 2 line stanzas to four I'm no expert on poetry but I *think* they are supposed to stay consistent. (I'm not sure) I also think you could change it from a period to a semi colon between the first and second lines.

Why do you lead me on,
Only to break my heart?
Show me why,
So I'll be prepared

But you just said you wanted the love not to be fantasy? If someone is going to lead you on and break up with you I personally wouldn't want to be prepared I'd just end it. It just makes me wonder about them

I don't know who you are,
Not anymore.
You don't show me
Anything, not even your feelings

I think you could move anything up in the third line and start the last line with Not.

I deserve to know.
So please,
Just show me.

Now it's a three line stanza....?

Overall I think you did a pretty good job with the emotion. I'd love to see more details out of you. Like the narrator is looking at this guy or girl whichever and is thinking these things? I don't know but it just seems like you are saying facts, not *really* telling how the narrator feels. I mean I know she/he's sad or mad, but there's just facts here no descriptions really.

Hope that helps,
~peanut~