Still Here

Hello dear! I'm Walker, here to review this, so I hope you don't mind if I run through it a little bit ^_^.

Anyways, it's nice to see the emotion in this work, as all good poetry is emotional in one way or another. A start is always imminent as in this case, you have a very lovely start. That being said, I wanted to note on a few different aspects of this poem for future reference, such as the style and the way in which you put the images and the idea across. Unrequited love is one of the most basic topics for poetry, especially romantic poetry, so if you're looking to make a big splash with that sort of topic, you must be willing to make a big, controversial splash with comparisons and parallels.

What I found to be the largest flaw about this piece was that it had one facet. One voice. One image. Like prose, it followed through a certain motion, keeping with the same voice as if trying to keep that one thought very obvious and heartfelt. Which is great in prose. Fantastic in prose, in all actuality, but nonetheless a factor in which does need to be considered as not so great in poetry.

After all, some of the greatest poetry has more than one facet. For instance, why don't we draw a parallel between your topic and something completely different? A material, for instance.

How is it possible

To still dream of those

Ocean blue eyes

And that laugh?

Basic, one faceted work here. Like an emotional blog. And it'd hard to think of it as anything more than an emotional blog. But that's okay. There is a starting point here and we should work from that.

That being said, think about the ocean blue eyes. The ocean is a great and obvious comparison which you could extrapolate on, but also the shape of the eye, like an almond. A bitter, sweetness. Or laughter. Something that creates happiness. A child's toy. These separate images are what differentiate a poet from a prose writer. The capability to write something heartfelt without really having to state it is what makes poetry so deep and so.. well, hard. Poetry is not, by any means, supposed to be easy, and should not be pushed through in five minutes because of something you may feel inspired by at the time. Let the inspiration grow first and foremost and you'll find a lot of the work you do will be more effective.

Anyways, continuing on, lets discuss the real root of this poem. The message behind it. It seems as if this voice is agonizing over the fact something is out of reach. This basic 'I want what I can't have' emotional response, and it can get a little dry and boring after a certain point. There is only so many times and in so many ways that someone can say 'woe is me' without sounding like a whiny teenager, yes? So own it. make it yours. Make is something different. Not so.. agonizing. Really think it through and after you think it through, extrapolate. You have the means to do it. With a little effort, you'll have something truly wonderful.

Right now you have a start. The beginning step. Problem being, there are many more steps still left to go, though I believe with a bit of time and patience, you'll inevitably cross those steps. Just give yourself the time.

That being said, keep writing. I'll be reading your poetry in the future!
~Walker