Thine Eyes Do Flit

I find the influence of Shakespeare overwhelming. I think it is great to have an inspiring poet to look to, a path to take, a muse to work from. But I think it is beter to draw from these influences rather than copy the use of language, jargon, order etc. It seems almost laugh-worthy, like a parody of Shakespeare's works rather than an ode. The title itself seems like it's intended to be a joke.
However, I love your use of language. Any poem so complete with so much bird imagery is a poem of mine.

Okay, so first thing I thought was how pretty this poem sounded. I like the word choices you made.

Stanza Analysis

First Stanza: "Thine eyes do flit from mine to sky above", this stanza is about someone who is in love, but the loved one's eyes can't remain on hers; they keep looking upward. The speaker writes that even though when they touch it is like a dove, the loved one breaks ties of love and flies away.

Second Stanza: More about how the loved one is leaving the lover behind. This person will miss her loved one's beauty once he leaves. He is taking her heart with him, meaning she might not love again.

Third Stanza: Not quite sure what this stanza is there for. My guess is it is just to reinforce the imagery that has been playing throughout the poem; that being of birds soaring away. The speaker says, however, that she will hear the song every morning. That could mean that the birds near where she is will sing and that sound will remind her of her lover. The speaker mentions a sparrow flying in the sky. Could this bird be her lover? It is possible, but since the speaker referred to her lover as a mockingbird already, it leads me to believe that the sparrow is not her lover, but instead another, beautiful bird.

The last stanza: The speaker is basically saying how her lover loves to fly and see the world and perhaps do great things, but despite that, she still loves him, and that no matter where he goes, her love will still be with him, and she will be waiting for him to return. Also, since she refers to her lover as "handsome" this leads me to believe that her lover is a boy, and she is a girl, which is why I've been referencing them by those specific genders this entire time.

Conclusions:

So yeah, it is interesting that you chose to write this poem the way you did, and then title it the way you titled it. I'd say that this poem is basically about a boy who wants to do great things, or "Soar" if you will, whereas the girl who loves him only wants him, and she needs him to know that she loves him, and that the greatest thing they could ever do in life is to simply love each other.

You use constant images of birds and flying throughout. You also compare the girl's lover to many different types of birds, which I don't think is bad or anything, just interesting.

For me, the reason you titled this poem the way you did was because of how all the girl knows is love for the boy, but the boy keeps looking "up" or for bigger things that he feels he needs to do or see. You compare this boy to birds because of how birds always have the need to fly. Birds are different than people because they belong in the sky. Perhaps the speaker feels this boy belongs in the sky, that is why she keeps referring to him as a bird. I think she is hopeful that one day he'll return and be together.

I liked this poem. Pretty imagery. I give it 9/10 I hope my reviewing wasn't too repetitive. I kind of figure it out as I'm writing so I might repeat a few points too many times.

-The Phantom