A lonely bus stop
In minuets comforted by someone sitting
In its protective shade
Where I met my love
A lonely bus stop
with a small puddle of ice cream
on its metal bench
where my love and I had shared the strawberry ice cream cone
A lonely bus stop
Sitting in the rain
Tears pounding on the rooftop from above
Where my love broke my heart with his sharp words
"I don't love you anymore."
"Change for me if you love me."
"I hate you."
"You need to grow up."
"This isn't a fairy tale."
"I can't stay with you any longer."
A lonely bus stop
crying for its loneliness
A lonely bus stop
wishing for the love
Wishing for the arms that held her close
wanting gentle lips on her fingertips
wishing for the deep laughter
wishing for a hand to stroke her soft hair
wanting comfort
Wanting, the man who came and sat with her
At the lonely bus stop
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Hey there! I like the concept of this poem. A couple of things, though:
This sounds a little strange because there is no concept of time - you say the bus stop is lonely but someone soon sat in it - how soon though? I mean, there is no indication of how long it had been there on its own so "soon" sounds a little out of place here.
I think protective instead of protected might make more sense here. Also. the last line is a little long. Try saying it in a more succinct way. Also, you say "the ice cream" as if you have referred to it previously, which you haven't, so maybe "a strawberry ice cream" might make more sense.
This is alright, I think you could add more details, though. What happened, how did they both feel?
I think you use the word lonely a bit too much here. Overall, I quite like the idea of using personification to describe the bus stop and what happened there, I just think it needs a little something more - more emotion, perhaps, and a little tweaking.
Hi Forest. I'm not a poetry expert but I'm going to review this anyway. I noticed that there is no punctuation, this bothered me because of the capital letters. Well I just thought it was strange. Also it is very redundant, some parts at least. I think the last stanza should be reworded, to much use of the word lonely. Like I said I don't know much about poetry but I hope this helped a little.
~peanut~