His laugh is like
Sunlight on the river,
As my fingers slip
While baiting the hook.
He puts the fishing pole
Into my hands,
Making a perfect cast.
Our hands brush
As he puts me in control,
And we wait.
We talk about anything
And everything,
Reeling in nothing
Aside from moss and an old boot,
But we are not disappointed.
Because we are just
Two perfect friends,
Fishing by the river.
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139,649 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Hey There, Forestqueen808 !!
This is Eros here with a review for you !!
I was at once... captivated by the title and I decided to look inside and see what's here.
I really must say you have got a great story behind the poem. I loved the way you have described the love between the two people who are fishing by the side.
But I also must say, you could add some more feels to it. I loved the first stanza,
It is a blasting start. Beautiful. But ...see I don't mean to criticize you and your work. Everyone here is a learner and I just want to suggest you something that'd enhance the poem.
The core theme is romance by the river, while fishing. But since the genre is romantic, when I opened it, I was expecting much more of romance, love, feelings and everything. Yeah, it was romantic:
But if you could add more of description of beauty, it would have been more good.
Add more of the background... the river, add some splashing sounds, or if the river is calm, or is babbling like an energetic child, did they catch any fish? Were they really just perfect friends? All in all if it is meant to be romantic, there should have been more instances that tells there is love.
But I appreciate your writing style. It was east to understand and I especially loved the comparison that you have done between the laugh and sunlight.
It was AWESOME. The flow is very smooth. Ideas are linked together and the stanzas are weaved beautifully in a unique poem.
Keep writing such AWESOME poems And we would love to keep reading them and reviewing them...
I am sorry for being too rash in expressing my point... please don't mind and I don't mean to offend you in any way...
Have a great day/ night !
Eros.
This is such a sweet poem and honestly like a breath of fresh air. Theres a lot of deep and emotional poems out here/there and its nice to have something as light as yours
My favourite stanza would half to be the 4th one, especially the bit about moss and old boots. Its so simple and almost random yet that's the best part of it.
I've scanned this several times for critism, but I can't find any. Really good job and hope you write more!