Camelot,
A kingdom fair,
Once had a queen
Named Guenevere.
Guenevere,
The queen fair,
Was Arthur's beloved,
But soon became unfaithful.
The Frenchman's eyes,
His strength,
His voice,
Lead her in.
Their love was concealed,
But only for a short time.
Soon, she would be found,
And Arthur would make the choice.
But alas,
Out of the darkness,
Rode her dear Frenchman,
Lancelot Du Lac.
He swept her off her feet,
Flames licking at her heels.
Tears swelled as she looked one last time,
At her beloved alive.
Tears fell,
When she went away
To join her Holy Sisters.
Soon she heard the news,
Of dear Arthur's death.
Her love remained with both,
Though she saw Lancelot only once more.
Camelot, her kingdom,
Fell.
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I enjoyed it but I disagree about the rhyming part. Guenevere is said how it's spelt, and therefore does not rhyme with fair. It was a succinct way of describing her life and it was done just as well as it has been done in stories. Well done
Smashles.
As mentioned before, the poem starts off rhyming, then all of a sudden stops. This disappoints the reader, as the first stanza has set them up for rhyming, and they expect for it to either continue for the entire poem, or to not happen at all (am I making any sense?)
Also, if I were you, I would stretch the poem out with more description. This storyline could easily be extended to 100 lines. With more description, the poem will be more interesting. Remember, as with all writing, it is better to show than to tell.
Hey there, review as promised. (Just note I have never really learned proper poetry terms and well yeah, I suck)
Okay, in the first 'paragraph' and a bit of the second, you rhyme:
but in the rest you don't. Any specific reason for that? Or is that normal...?
Also, in the first two 'paragraphs' the lines grow in length in a pretty shape, again, in the rest you don't... Is there something with you and the first two 'paragraphs'?
I loved the theme, however. Beutiful poetry, Forest, kudos to you, my friend.
Keep on writing!
Biffle