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140,703 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
Hi!
I think this was a really great poem! But I got somewhat confused how the author is supposed to be related to this "Mr. Bandana Man".
Although, at the end, I realized it.
But still, it sounded somewhat weird at the end because it sounds... too short?
I usually like to end poems with the reader wanting more... ORRR..... with a bang to stun the reader.
Do you know what I mean? I hope you do!
Keep Writing!
~Kat
This has potential, but I see a few problems.
Your rhymes tend to be Dr. Seuss-like: rhyming "long" and "song" isn't exactly as poetic as I can only assume you were hoping for it to be.
Your stanzas also make it hard to follow. Poetry tends to have similar stanzas throughout, and yours change. This distracts the reader; makes them stop and think about the rhyme scheme, which is fatal to a poet. You don't want someone to stop out of confusion unless they're trying to analyze your poem. It leaves the reader unsatisfied.