My lips ache
For a gentle kiss
To be placed upon my lips
I feel like
An arm needs
To snake around my waist
An imprint
Lies all over my body
Yearning for love
But its so hard
To get what you want
When no one wants you
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140,623 Literary Works • 673,564 Reviews
Hello, Forest! Loveless here to give this poem of yours a review.
Repetition of 'lips' in this piece.This makes absolutely no sense...to me anyway? An imprint lies over her body, she can only have an imprint if someone is there pressing against her, or if someone just let go and their imprint lingers for a moment.
You have no punctuation and the second, third, fifth, sixth, eight, ninth, eleventh, and twelfth stanza needs to be lower cased. That's about it really.
Loveless~
hey,
i thought it was really thoughtful and sweet. If you need me to review
i really liked your poem it's easy to relate to.
any more of your work, let me know.
Well you didn't give me much to work with here but I'll try at the simple basics. Try for a few commas and periods. Try not to make it choppy.
Try to make it to were the reader can understand it better. Rather than no punctuation at all. Good luck and keep writing.
-M.
Hey, FQ. This will just be a quick run-through for grammar and nit-picks, seeing as how this isn't really my type of poetry. Granted, it sounds more like Lyric Poetry than Dramatic. So, here I go:
A very simple poem. Four sentences. But even though it's a simple poem, remember that grammar is important! Unless the grammatical neglect is completely intentional, please stick to basic rules. It also seems as though you think that every line of poetry must begin with a capital letter. That is not true, FQ!
So basically, that is all I have to say. Keep writing and let me know when the next gem comes out!
-Lumiface