I want to hit something.
No, someone.
I want to feel flesh.
I want to give him the pain that I have to deal with every day.
I want to slap his pouting cheek every time he tries to blame the world.
When he says we don’t love him.
Then turns and says he hates us.
I want to see the bright red print made by my hand on his face.
I want to scream.
To scream as loud as I can.
As long as I can.
Not only that, but I want to scream into his selfish face.
I want him to know what yelling sounds like.
I want to run, as far as I can.
To feel everything fading away behind me.
To get so far that when I look back over my shoulder I see nothing but emptiness.
Nothing but tiny little dots where my life used to be.
I want to escape.
I want to lock myself into a room that cannot be opened.
A room where I can hide.
Where memories are the only remnants.
I want to disappear.
I want to block out all sounds.
So that when he screams I hear only my own thoughts.
So that his mouth held open like a giant cave is the only proof that noise escapes his lips.
I want his silence.
I want to go back in time to when there was no cruelty.
To when he didn’t do all in his power to hurt anyone and everyone around.
When he was kind.
I want to feel safe from being hurt by him.
I want to get rid of all this anger.
I want to remember what it’s like to love him.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hello! Very well done here!
I really liked all of this poem, particularly the anti-selfish theme, objecting to overselfpity.
The only problem is really quite nit-picky, and that is lack of clarity. Iwas reading the poem, aassuming a girl and her lover, as one would, when I suddenly realized it could equally be read as a mother and her teenage son. This would be lover, yet I presume the former. Perhaps you could clear this up in the poem a little more.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
I was actually trying to keep the situation a little bit vague so that the reader could assume the situation to fit his or her own life and interpret it however you want. But I can see how it would be confusing if you're imagining one setting and then it doesn't work. I'll work on it, thanks!
Messenger here for ya! I was just meandering in your portfolio and came across this. The first few lines caught my attention so I had to read it. And it never let go of my attention.
Every line here is SO powerful. Each stanza is like a whole chapter It has so much jammed into it. SO much anger, emotion, lost love, maybe even insanity? You just have a fully loaded work here. This looks like a lost romance story, but I can tell you it would work for being angry at a lot of people. There are just some times where you want to smash someone but you can't. I think you captured it brilliantly. This is mostly praise, but I really don't have anything bad to say about it. You get a like!
Keep it up!
Thank you! It's nice having someone read old works sometimes, since it makes me go back and see different ways my writing has changed.
This wasn't necessarily a lost romance story, but when I was writing it I was looking at different kinds of anger for different reasons, kind of hoping that it could be used to describe a lot of different situations.
Anyway, thank you tons for the encouragement!
''I want to give him the pain that I have to deal with every day'', thats brilliant!!
Interesting poem you have here. I quite liked it:D It really relates to how everyone can feel every now and then. I'm willing to bet that everyone that reads this can give you an example of when they felt like this and they just wanted to lock the world out. I know I could. ~C.C.
This poem made me tear up, and as I write this review, I can barely focus enough on the words. Seriously your poem left me speechless, the passion in it, and the imagery and wording. Your words painted a clear picture into my mind. I really enjoyed reading your poem, really. You should keep on writing. I couldn't find any noticeable grammatical errors, I was too drawn into your poem. One words, stunned. Simple put, I am stunned. And I hope my review helped you some!!!!