A Lonely Mind

Beautiful poetry, the idea of it and the poem's words fit the idea but thing that threw me off is the rhyming. It feels awkward since the rhyming is inconsistent, and it felt like there was more to be said when I read the end, but that could just be my personal taste. The poem doesn't really go to any specifics, like why is he lonely? Is he a slave, if so then how is being passed onto another happy for him? While I do feel his loneliness, it's not that bright, I'm having a hard time sympathizing with him, because of the vagueness. That said, I'm sure you'll improve!

Ok, I can pick a few problems with this poem for you <3

Rhyme Scheme: ab cdbc ecf g hi jk ljmnn The most obvious thing to me about this as soon as I got to the end of the second stanza, was that something was going wrong with the rhyme scheme. It was a curious thing to me because I hadn't heard much of one, but when I heard "groan" after "grounds" I thought you might be doing something like ab cdbc ef ghfg, but instead it all went sideways and there was no rhyme scheme that was consistent. For me this was very frustrating. I would love to have seen something like a villanelle pattern, but there was no such thing in sight. V.V Perhaps I'm just being a traditionalist, but I like my rhyme patterns to be patterned consistently instead of all over the place.

This poem did an alright job of painting the picture for me. I don't know some crucial details though, why is he a servant? Why does he feel better being a servant to someone else? Why is he trying to escape his leaps(bounds) or was that supposed to be bonds(restraints)?
These questions, for me, make all the difference between sympathizing with the character, being able to understand him, and seeing what is going on.

For me the most frustrating part is that we don't see who the voice is.
Overall, I think this poem could use some work on setting things up, but I would love to know the story. It seems like it could be very interesting given more time to develop. Don't be afraid to make a long poem. Sometimes the poem needs room to breathe. I hope to see what you come up with to satisfy my curiosity.

Beautiful poetry. One thing I noticed was that the rhyme wasn't consistent. Either make it freestyle or rhyming. But I'm being nit picky. This is my favorite on here and the best poem I've seen on here. (Maybe because I am a Christian.) Keep on writing! I would love to read more of your work.

This is beautiful.

I opened this poem to review it. But that's all I've got to say, being honest. :] <3