z

Young Writers Society



Imperfect Perfection

by Cailey


Ok, just a quick warning, I'm just writing this now, so it has not been thought over or editted or anything of the sort. It's written on impulse, because I wanted to use the title. With that being said, since this is a very first draft I would loooove a lot of comments and such, even if it's just to tell me you love it or hate it.  Thanks!

When I glance in the mirror I am met by a face,
just a face, just a girl, a reflection of me.
And I ask myself why I was put in this place,
standing here in this world being all I can be.

And my hair falls in waves, and my eyes sparkle green,
and my smile is all wrong, and my face is so plain.
All the voices I've heard, all the people I've seen,
they all come flooding back like a curtain of rain.

A collage of the ones that are better and stuff,
and a movie of stronger and smarter than me.
All around me the world says I'm not good enough,
I am tortured and punished by all that I see.

And yet deep down I know what they say is so true.
What am I but a sinner, a liar a cheat?
Not one thought from my mind has been fancy or new;
I have not been a genius with incredible feats.

I'm not perfect, I know, and I never will be,
but a thought interrupts and I let it take hold:
What if perfect is not what we're meant to see;
if my God has more power than all of the world?

And I see that perfection is more than a face;
at the start of my life I was given a chance
to give into the lies and abandon the race,
or to be who I am and live out my own dance.

After all I've been told, after all of the lies,
I can see that I'm more than a face in a mirror.
Because no matter what all that beauty crap dies,
and one sees that their true beauty lies beyond here.


And besides I am me and that IS good enough
I will always be perfect in my imperfect way!





Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
424 Reviews


Points: 8572
Reviews: 424

Donate
Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:07 pm
Demoness says...



Hellue, Demon here

I like the message you're trying to deliver here and I think you made that part very clear, I also agree with the previous speaker - awesome title! I have a few nitpicks though; One being the lack of imagery and somewhat poor language. As I'm sure you've heard before; "Show, don't tell". As for the language I find it to be quite dull at times and this line here "A collage of the ones that are better and stuff," stuff isn't the word I'd use here, it sounds quiet childish I think. Also, it's okay not to rhyme in poetry but here you've been rhyming in each stanza but then towards the end you suddenly stop. Mirror - here, doesn't rhyme very well xDD Anywhoose, overall I think this piece was alright. I'll give it 2,5/5 icky, sticky spiders

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Sagaa




User avatar
13 Reviews


Points: 803
Reviews: 13

Donate
Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:25 pm
heather321 says...



I really liked this! The ryhming and flow is especially good and the topic is something I'm sure almost everyone can relate too... I also love the title:) ..so yeah..great job!




Demoness says...


Hellue, Demon here

I like the message you're trying to deliver here and I think you made that part very clear, I also agree with the previous speaker - awesome title! I have a few nitpicks though; One being the lack of imagery and somewhat poor language. As I'm sure you've heard before; "Show, don't tell". As for the language I find it to be quite dull at times and this line here "A collage of the ones that are better and stuff," stuff isn't the word I'd use here, it sounds quiet childish I think. Also, it's okay not to rhyme in poetry but here you've been rhyming in each stanza but then towards the end you suddenly stop. Mirror - here, doesn't rhyme very well xDD Anywhoose, overall I think this piece was alright. I'll give it 2,5/5 icky, sticky spiders :)

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Sagaa



Demoness says...


Wuups, sorry Heather didn't mean to post it here xD




You can't fool me! I listen to public radio!
— Squidward Tentacles