(So, YWS hates me and won't let me enter line breaks. I don't know why. Sorry. This really doesn't sound as good without the breaks.) Tears. Anger. So much emotion. A volcano. Explosion- Debris and chaos and pain. Rocks of stress, Crushing, Smashing, Destroying. Can't breathe. Breath a wave of heat- Chokes me. So much emotion. Feelings: Anticipation, fear, worry, deadlines, busyness, responsibility, forgetfulness, anger, sadness, disappointment, annoyance, wishful, hopeful, doubtful. Thoughts: Wedding, trip, vacation, teaching, helping, cleaning, decorating, travelling, burning, biting, losing, wanting, returning, leaving, coming, preparing. Explosion. Volcano. Tears. Shouts. Punches. So much emotion. A knot inside my stomach, It tightens, it churns. Crushed sighs, Angry breath, Clenched fists. Volcano. Open computer, blank page, keys, rhythmic typing, calming, relaxing. Soft lava- Slowly easing down, Through the cracks, Fill the missing spaces, Peace-though fragile. Bated breath, still tight, Still tense, But the explosion's done. No more flying rocks of mind, No more sparks of stress and fear. Calm- a still volcano, lava slowly dries, only hard sharp rock to show the spaces- only coal black evidence of so much emotion.
Wow. In a way, I can relate to several of these adjectives. I love how you described emotions using such vivid and descriptive words. So, I'm seeing that this must be a bout a volcano or something? I love this by the way. I couldn't find any errors, and I'm rushing through this review. What exactly does "Fill the missing spaces" mean? Also, what does "Bated breath" mean? Once again, I love this poem, and I'm sorry I couldn't have done a more descriptive review of it.
~~Lillie <3
Ohh!
I like this, how it's about a volcano, and about emotions, a very good comparison!
Okay, yes, formatting, but I understand.
I like it all together, I'm unsure what the "------------------------------" is though, what is part of the poem?
Anyways, I liked it!
Awesome Job!
Happy Review Day 2013 June!
Thanks!
Team Fire Flower!
pegasusgirl2
Formatting was a mistake. It wasn't supposed to look like that, and the line was an accident. But thanks for the review!
I like the originality of this piece, and I also like how you were able to put this much emotion into a small segment of writing. However, it is kind of busy to me, where it's almost too much to think about at once. It's very beautiful, don't get me wrong, it's just really intense! As always, good luck to you and your writing!
Wow its beautiful! I feel like it describes every little detail of A relationship! Good work!
I would have never thought that so many adjectives could have made so much sense and bring upon so many emotions at once .Accompanied by so many opposing thoughts .
This is unbelievably well written . Even without the breaks that you intended to include , I prefer it the way it is because it adds to the tension and urgency of the imagery!
Referring to the comments already posted , I would like to agree that this definitely makes one feel as though you are suffocating and experiencing the panic of the volcano explosion whilst reading .
Amazing , amazing , amazing
Thank you!!! This was great, it made me feel awesome, I love reviews like this, though they aren't always helpful about how to improve. Still, thanks tons!
Hey!
This is really creative! It's nice sometimes to take a break from the traditional way of writing and I feel you did that, and you also wrote a whole lot of thoughts in a short amount of words, so I thought that was cool. Also, there is a distinct rhythm in this that was going through my mind and it seems like the kind of work that could be done in a poetry reading or something? You know where you go to a coffee house and read poetry, I think this type would be like that. The one think I don't get is why you put that line between "tears" and "anger". Was it also due to the line break problem? Or was that suppose to be a visual addition? If it was suppose to be visual it's a battle within me. 
I mean for some reason I like it, I think it works, but then I also think that it's a little strange for the poem, but since it works, oh well. I also really liked how you continued the sentence in support of how you started it, for example you said
Finally I liked how you managed to sort of describe how this person decided to write as a form of letting out all of these feelings they were bundling inside causing the "eruption". Sometimes the best works of poetry and art comes through the most craziest times of a person's existence.So, I should start first with an overall review on how much I really like this and why.
So if you could have, where would you have put the breaks? I would suggest this:
Tears. Anger.
So much emotion. A volcano. Explosion- Debris and chaos and pain.
Rocks of stress, Crushing, Smashing, Destroying.
Can't breathe. Breath, a wave of heat- Chokes me. So much emotion.
Feelings: Anticipation, fear, worry, deadlines, busyness, responsibility, forgetfulness, anger, sadness, disappointment, annoyance, wishful, hopeful, doubtful.
Thoughts: Wedding, trip, vacation, teaching, helping, cleaning, decorating, travelling, burning, biting, losing, wanting, returning, leaving, coming, preparing.
Explosion.
Volcano.
Tears.
Shouts.
Punches.
So much emotion. A knot inside my stomach, It tightens, it churns.
Crushed sighs, Angry breath, Clenched fists. Volcano.
Open computer, blank page, keys, rhythmic typing, calming, relaxing.
Soft lava- Slowly easing down, Through the cracks, Fill the missing spaces, Peace-though fragile.
Bated breath, still tight, Still tense, But the explosion's done.
No more flying rocks of mind, No more sparks of stress and fear.
Calm- a still volcano, lava slowly dries, only hard sharp rock to show the spaces- only coal black evidence of so much emotion.
--So it's simple, but it gives space. And also for the parts that I felt were "stand alone's" I gave one line. These were the words you used just as rythym and did not have a comma, or lines to accompany them and such.
Spoiler
So good job, I like it!
Dream on and on and on!
Hey, thanks for the review!!!
So, the line there was a mistake with the spacing and such. it wasn't supposed to be there.
And there were a lot more breaks. I had a lot of one word lines, since it was supposed to sound really choppy like chunks of rock falling out of a volcano. Something like that. Maybe if I get it fixed I'll send you the link so you can see what I meant it to look like.
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK....um...*I remain speechless* (while gasping for breath because still in shock that a human could even write that!)..........THAT.WAS.AWESOME.
At first I'm like,''Tears,anger..blah...blah...blah..words.''
Then the next second I'm basically gulping down every word like I'm STARVING!!!!!!!(haha)
But your poem totally drew me in and had so much emotion!!:D
Perfect title by the way! -Neon.
Thank you so much! I love getting comments like this, they're super encouraging and awesome. I'll see what I can do to make the first stanza more than just blah words as well.
Agh! YWS! Why do you hate me?
This is NOT supposed to be one huge block. There are supposed to be spaces and lines and paragraphs!!
haha chill..your poem was super good with out being in stanzas!:)(or spaces and lines and paragraphs)
haha.......yeah...That's a bummer for you though..