Freedom calls to me:
Loud and strong and clear.
World’s I long to see-
Are nowhere near here.
Far across the sea
Floats a great and bright
Future I could be;
I just need to fight.
As my journey starts,
Suddenly I freeze,
Seeing broken hearts,
Feeling deathly breeze.
Life is cold, so cold.
Behind me is hope,
Forward I grow old-
If I learn to cope.
All is good back there…
Yet, to be a slave
It is hardly fair.
Slavery or grave.
Choice, my best not friend:
Forward-or go back.
Choose or follow trend
Live with either track.
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
The scheme of the poem was good and it had a general rhythm and rhyme, but it just seemed uneven in places. And the small lines made every syllable that was off seem bigger than it was. It wasn't bad overall, but i agree with you about your ending, it doesn't seem fitting. The "best not-friend" just didn't mesh well. I say just scratch that stanza and start over again on the ending.
I really enjoyed this piece. The rhythm was good almost throughout. Near the middle it didn't seem to flow as well as the other lines.
Is the bit I'm talking about. Maybe it's just me but something seemed off about it. Don't really know what, hahha!
Was my favorite piece of this poem. Such a hard question, hahha!
The ending I thought was good. Nicely done.
I hope this helps you even a little bit.