The rose’s thorns
Prick my finger
Almost as much
As their giver
Pricked my heart
I hear his words
A hateful echo
Repeated again
Every sound
From the first
“I like you”
To the last
“Goodbye”
I close my eyes
But his face hides
Behind my tired lids
His perfect face
His bright eyes
His beautiful smile
The perfume
Wafts off the rose
Filling my head
With unwanted
Memories of him
And I still taste
The bitterness
Of his rejection
The sour hint
Of what we were
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139,491 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
thanks for the reviews and differing opinions.
This is a good piece, Cailey! Use of simple words or not, this poem was broken down very nicely! Good job!
My favorite lines were these:
"The rose’s thorns
Prick my finger
Almost as much
As their giver
Pricked my heart."
Loving the imagery here!
Hi there!
I disagree with what everyone said before me (sorry all you who got here before me). Sure, the vocabulary is a little simple, but it doesn't need to be any more than that for this. It's a poem about a broken heart. It's an emotional piece, so in my opinion, it just needs to flow and sound good in order to be great.
That being said, I really like this poem. I actually like the simplicity of it. I also like how you compared the situation to a rose's thorns. You did a good job describing that. Reading through this, however, I noticed there's a lack of punctuation. If you add some punctuation, this'll be a lot better. With the punctuation in there, the reader will know when to pause, what to focus on and so on. Punctuation really gives a poem more rhythm.
Overall I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!
I agree, the words are very basic. I would love to see this piece with vibrant vocabulary. It should flourish with it.
This is a really good poem but you could use a thesaurus , the language is very basic and a few mistakes with homophones (their instead of they're) it good but just needs a little bit of work.