I used to look,
But I never saw.
Reflections
Were the only answer
To my questioning.
Day after day
I searched,
My eyes sought
The mirror.
All I saw,
The only image
Visible through the glass,
Was me.
Then,
Something happened:
The glass broke;
The mirror shattered.
I tried to find
Myself,
But all I saw
Were fractured pieces-
Fragments.
My reflection,
What I had found
Was gone,
Broken.
Still, I saw.
I saw pieces,
Memories,
Scraps of my life
Laying scattered
Over the hard floor.
It wasn’t gone-
Those shards of glass,
They were me.
It seemed
I could see more
When I looked
At the broken mirror.
I saw not only
What I was
But what I used to be
What I could
Have been
What I might still become.
All my past,
My present,
It was now on the ground
Ripped apart by reality.
Yet my future,
My future lingered
Beyond the shattered mirror.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hi!
I liked this
My first comment would be could you condense some of the stanzas? When I saw it, it seems like a lot of stanzas but I think a few stanzas could be condensed into others
This was my personal favourite stanza as it's the revelation moment
Overall though i think it was really good, just the form takes away from it. So I think go through the form with a fine tooth comb then it would be even more awesome
PM for anything
~ReDro
Yo! Daisuki here.
I really liked this piece, it flowed well, had nice imagery, and a good concept. I was thinking a few more distinctive description words could make this stand out even more. I mean, there are a lot of poems written about mirrors and life, and you really need to make this poem your own, make it unique.
I think the way that each line was capitalized bothered me. It separated the flow, disrupted the way I read it. It's not necessary, but I think it's your choice. Capitalizing things is what we learned in English class, but you'll find a lot of things are not as we learned in school.
So... I liked this. The fragmented way you wrote it was cool, it emphasized the different words well.
Alright, sorry this wasn't a great review. Keep writing, and thanks for the great read.
It was a good poem. Emotions were reflecting with each line. I like the title you've chosen for your poem. It was very well thought and eye-catching. It suits it.
I like the way you've begun your poem.
I loved the part when the mirror breaks into several pieces and the way you've described yourself as the shards of glasses. Keep on writing more
It was a good poem. Emotions were reflecting with each line. I like the title you've chosen for your poem. It was very well thought and eye-catching. It suits it.
I like the way you've begun your poem.
I loved the part when the mirror breaks into several pieces and the way you've described yourself as the shards of glasses. Keep on writing more
Amazing work, C!
I loved the part:
"I tried to find
Myself,
But all I saw
Were fractured pieces-
Fragments."
This was my favorite stanza, it's truly great.
I loved this poem- it was so calm, yet so hard-
emotional and cold- I salute you!
Keep writing
SubjectBlue
Hey Cailey,
While form following theme/images can be a very good idea and add another dimension to a poem, it shouldn't sacrifice flow for it. The way your sentences are going right now reads to me like a succession of sentence fragments staggering after one another in a way that's really awkward-sounding. The repetitions--where you waste a couple lines restating what the line before just said in different words--are superfluous, some of your phrases come from the overused cliches stock, and I don't get anything out of this that couldn't have been stated in maybe three or four stanzas only, and that's if we're seeing big: the ratio of content to length is too low, and so I lose interest after the first few lines.
Try making some of your images more vivid, or make more emotion bleed through. Take away the unnecessary stuff. Strike out the cliches. You could have something nice, but it'll need some more work.
Hope that helps. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
Wow, this has to be my favorite poem I've read today. I like how the style reflects the shattered mirror. The message in this poem is so true an relatable... I really can't think of any ways to improve it! GREAT job!
Heey Cailey! I really enjoyed reading this, the way you structured the poem up and the short, lines and a little choppy flow reminded me of a shattered mirror and tied the piece together smoothly! The emotion in this was really good too and it really got to me, which is a good thing! "If it makes you feel, then it's real!" Finally, I have to mention that I loved the last stanza - perfect ending!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Beautifully written! I love how your poem is an extension of the shattered mirror metaphor. I believe your stanza really played that your poem perfectly! It kinda looked like a shattered mirror! The emotion prevailed through out your piece very naturally! My only wish is that I heard more sounds, because it would really emote the sense of disturbance. You ended your poem perfectly! You are a great writer! Keep it up!
I think that the sort of fragmented style with which you present these stanzas nicely figures the core of the poem. I quite like its theme in how it reveals the fragmentary nature of self-image--facets, rather than a unified whole. There is something more existentially honest about a faceted, even unbroken (conflicting) view than a solid one, I think. The whole mirror shows but one face, while the chaotic symmetry of the fragments show the same one in its myriad angles. Very nice.