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To Wish Upon a Hope

by Cailey


I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
And in that wish I wished a thousand more-
A string of dreams, I said, a wishing rope,
To which I tied my longings kept in store.

I made a wish to fight a shooting star,
A wish too big for wishing bones and wells,
A desperate prayer to travel long and far,
Through genie lamps and tinkling fairy bells.

I made a wish to last a thousand days-
For wishes do not end with second stars,
Nor do they fade with blown out candle haze.
My wish will last and thrive until it's ours.

I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
A now I wish to make a wish for hope.


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Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:19 am
Messenger wrote a review...



Usually I put one section of the poem that i like most. This one just has too many. I would have to put the whole poem on my review to do that. This poem is so full of hope and dreams. I love poems like this, this is a great one.

And in that wish I wished a thousand more-
A string of dreams, I said, a wishing rope,

I'd say that is one of the best of the best sections. Great poem.
Keep it up!




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Sun Aug 25, 2013 8:57 am
NightWalker says...



Hi there Cailey,have a good day!
So here I'm to make review on your wonderful poem:)

I really love the theme you bring here in your poem.It is about hope and dreams that you are 'wish to make a wish for hope'.

_I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
And in that wish I wished a thousand more-
A string of dreams, I said, a wishing rope,
To which I tied my longings kept in store.
*Here is my favourate stanza which every lines is so fantastic to me.The way you use methaphor to represent hope and dreams,but there is some u kept it in store.

#The second stanza is also beautiful to read,but the second line make me confuse for a while:

"A wish too big for wishing bones and wells, "
*Its takes time for me to understand the real meaning is.

Overall,actually you have a good poem here with your own message you want the reader to see.
*I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
A now I wish to make a wish for hope.-Your poem ended with such a nice two line just enough to make working as a great poem!

Keep writing and I hope to see more masterpieces from you soon in YWS.Good job!
Thank you:)Cheer




Cailey says...


Thank you so much for the review!

That line was referring to fountains that you throw pennies in to make a wish, and wish bones, where you break the wishbone and see who got the fattest end.



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65 Reviews


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Sun Aug 25, 2013 8:55 am
NightWalker wrote a review...



Hi there Cailey,have a good day!
So here I'm to make review on your wonderful poem:)

I really love the theme you bring here in your poem.It is about hope and dreams that you are 'wish to make a wish for hope'.

_I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
And in that wish I wished a thousand more-
A string of dreams, I said, a wishing rope,
To which I tied my longings kept in store.
*Here is my favourate stanza which every lines is so fantastic to me.The way you use methaphor to represent hope and dreams,but there is some u kept it in store.

#The second stanza is also beautiful to read,but the second line make me confuse for a while:

"A wish too big for wishing bones and wells, "
*Its takes time for me to understand the real meaning is.

Overall,actually you have a good poem here with your own message you want the reader to see.
*I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
A now I wish to make a wish for hope.-Your poem ended with such a nice two line just enough to make working as a great poem!

Keep writing and I hope to see more masterpieces from you soon in YWS.Good job!
Thank you:)Cheer




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Sun Aug 25, 2013 8:10 am
ziggiefred wrote a review...



Hello there! :) I'm not much of a poetry reviewer anymore but I'll try my best.

This a very sweet poem. It brings a sense of magic in my mind, with all this talk of wishing and shooting stars.
The first and last stanzas were my favourite.

I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
And in that wish I wished a thousand more-
A string of dreams, I said, a wishing rope,
To which I tied my longings kept in store

There was a certain beat to this stanza and the arrangement is quite interesting.

I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
A now I wish to make a wish for hope.
Although I'd have expected this to be 4 lines like the other stanzas, it was a quite subtle ending to the poem. It made me wish for hope myself.

Keep writing and good luck! :)




Cailey says...


Thank you so much!



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Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:13 am
Blackwood wrote a review...



Nice poem here, A few things I have t say as part of a review.

I made a wish to wish upon a hope,

I like the line but I feel like saying "a hope" is slightly off. Hope is a feeling within itself, and you have have 'a hope for happiness' for example, but you cant really have 'a hope' On its own. I think its great what you convey through this phrase except I feel like it needs to be rephrased a little so it makes more sense and flows more nicely.

A wish too big for wishing bones and wells,

I really like this line, it has some power in it in describing what you are hoping for. I think if you wanted to improve it even further you could show it because its quite tellish here. You could say something like the wish wouldn't fit in it or that they were too small rather than directly saying it was too big.

Capitalization:
You put capitals in the middle of sentences, at the beginning of each line. You may do this if you wish but I think it would look nicer and be more accurate if you did it like this with lowercase unless starting a new sentence.
I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
and in that wish I wished a thousand more-
A string of dreams, I said, a wishing rope,
to which I tied my longings kept in store.


Good job with your rhyming here, I really like how you have done it. You haven't gone with the typical cliche rhymes and you haven't used exact exact rhymes the whole way which is something I like, I feel the subtle difference in rhymes can really add to an inspirational poem such as this one.

Although I really like your poem as a while probably the thing I disliked the most was your very ending.
I made a wish to wish upon a hope,
A now I wish to make a wish for hope.

Honestly, its a tongue twister. You keep repeating words and I feel like it completely breaks the flow and the words feel forced and strangled. You also rhymes hope with hope which should work in this care but you just repeated everything too much in those final lines. I think you need a more direct and clear statement to finish this poem instead of wishing to wishing of hoping to hope or something. It will make your poem much more powerful.

Anyway, good job and keep writing.




Cailey says...


Awesome, thanks for this review!! :)

I will see what I can do with the ending, it is a mouthful and not the best ending. And I'll see if I can find a good way to fix all the telling and show some more.

I'm usually more of a novelist than a poet. :)



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Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:09 am
Elinor wrote a review...



Hi,

This poem is pretty good, and as a whole I don't have much to say about it. While the topic that you're writing about may not be the most original, it doesn't feel cliche; you certainly make it your one. You have some really fantastic imagery.

I think the repetition of "wish" helps, although it can be a little bit of a mouthful. While I realize that this is a sonnet and you're limited in the words that you can use, try to think of synonyms and other words that you can use instead. I would also try to go into a little bit more detail about what exactly this wish is. Also, for your rhymed couplet at the end, it generally works better if they're two different words that rhyme.

Good work with this! Feel free to give me a shout if you have any questions.




Cailey says...


So, this is accidentally a sonnet. I didn't realize that I was following the steps of a sonnet until you said that. :)

Alright, I will try and see about finding synonyms and getting rid of too much repetition. Thank you so much for the review!



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Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:07 am
deleted17 wrote a review...



Wow. This was a bit of a tongue twister.

Well, this was well thought. You can tell when somebody actually thought about what they wrote, rather than just going along. ( Like me) You did an excellent job at this! I kinda saw it at a kids perspective, because, well, only a kid would think like this. To make a wish that would last a thousands years, well, that would be something that a kid would wish! I hope that you write more in the future, miss.

With All Do Respect
Wholesomereader




Cailey says...


Yeah, wishes are childish, in a very good way, I think.

Anyway, thanks for the review!




Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
— Sigmund Freud