Please darken your answer on this test.
A. Mountains
B. Landmarks
C. Humans
D. The Sun and Moon
E. Nothing
In this world,
Nothing is beautiful.
They are all muddled,
In their own pool.
They all have lies,
That deceives many people.
While "beautiful" was dressing,
I looked through the peephole.
Awfully plastic,
Wearing a fake fur coat.
This isn't beautiful,
But it's what we chose.
How come no one sees,
What I am viewing?
It's all fake,
It's only just fooling.
Love could of been a choice,
But nobody uses it right.
They ended up screwing each other over,
And it ends with a fight.
When it comes to beautiful,
We all have different ceilings.
There is no valid reasoning,
Therefore it's nothing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Weather here with a review. New member so I may write sense or nonsense in this review as I'm not an expert.
I certainly enjoyed reading your poem. My main issue though was the test setting in the beginning. I didn't really feel the need for it, the poem would have worked well without it there.
"In this world,
Nothing is beautiful.
They are all muddled,
In their own pool."
This was a strong opening, with a heavy statement, good. By "they" I assume you mean people? If so, i know it's nitpicky but it would have been simpler if stated.
"They ended up screwing each other over,"
I felt this line wasn't very coherent in relation to your other lines as it was written using some informal language while the rest of your poem was quite formally written.
"When it comes to beautiful,
We all have different ceilings.
There is no valid reasoning,
Therefore it's nothing."
The final stanza is philosophical and debatable, which i guess is a good thing.
What could be interesting, if you wanted to keep the test setting at the beginning, could be addressing all the things mentioned in A, B, C and D. Looking at the nothingness they could eventually possess? Just an idea.
Hope I made more sense than nonsense.
--Weather
Kya with a review
That was good, albeit a bit depressing. You've done a great job on conveying feeling. I like the literary devices you chose to use. It was ingenious to begin with a common thing all of us had to face: a test. That addition immediately drew me into the poem. The spelling is good, but the use of a semicolon at times would be more suitable, but overall, good job, and keep writing!