Dreamer's Lament

When will all these thoughts

these perplexities, like grains of sand on an oceanside-

make sense?

Like an arm caught in the intricate web of a spider-

Cogitations muddled again.

A lifetime that would have been spent dreaming

has become a lifetime spent arranging dreams.

Because in reality things must be clear.

But in fantasies

I'd dig inside my skull

pull out my brimming mind

and lay it down for you to see.

Comments & reviews · 4
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THIS IS AMAZING! If you don't mind, I copy and pasted this into my inspiration page. :) This is just.... I am at a loss for words. You probably think I am over-reacting, but it's scary how much this describes my mind. I disagree with the other comments below, I like your format. My favorite line is "A lifetime that would have been spent dreaming has become a lifetime spent arranging dreams." I also love "But in fantasies I'd dig inside my skull- pull out my brimming mind- and lay it down for you to see." Keep on writing, please!

thank you so much! You have no idea how much that means. I'm honored. I was really pleased with how this described my own mind, too XD my goal was to have someone relate! I will definitely keep working. (I love your username btw)

User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Mon Nov 17, 2014 3:35 pm

Hello! :D
I love this poem!! :D :D :D This is EXACTLY how I feel about MY mind!! :)
"But in fantasies
I'd dig inside my skull
pull out my brimming mind
and lay it down for you to see."
This is my favorite part! But maybe you could put a comma after mind, but it's just a suggestion! :D Great job, and keep writing! :D :D
-Snazzy :)

You've captured what a lament is, sad but sweet. I agree with your previous review, watch out with your formatting, but really poetry is pretty flexible in most cases so if you feel it flows better your way then all is still wonderful. I have nothing else to really say other than you've done a fabulous job, great vocabulary, great concept, fabulous thoughts for us all to read. Keep up the great work and stay awesome!
-Carmenbluestar :)

User avatar
crissymarx
Review

Wow this is deep. I am literally at a loss for words. Not really because I am talking right now...anyway great vocabulary! The only thing I have to comment is to watch your format. I found it hard to follow along because of the dashes and mid-sentence questions. But other than that...great job. keep writing!



You're wrong about humanity. They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are. Sure, they're weak, and they cheat and steal and destroy and disappoint, but they also give and create, and they sing and dance and love. Above all, they never give up.
— Metatron