Leather binds become white silk;
Crimson blood
Stains petals of the roses whose thorns
Were once an oppressing crown,
Now golden as the streets of our inherited *Land.
This we revere
Because the darkness wears the thorns now;
The darkness hangs on a tree.
The darkness is bound, oppressed, and bleeding.
While shivering and cold,
Alone and afraid,
We were held by the king in the pure of his white silk,
As he kissed us,
And carried us home like precious stones.
*referring to the Promised Land
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140,398 Literary Works • 673,156 Reviews
Hello there 'theironnovelist'! Just here to review some of you work, if you don't mind
The name is CelticThunder1438, or Selina if you prefer.
First off I would like to say that this poem was really good. I am a Roman Catholic and to me this poem was very inspirational. I loved the tittle also. Lots of times you see people with a tittle that doesn't even match their poem but you have one that matches up really well. I don't see much that I can fix, it seems like its already perfect.
I loved how you portrayed everything in this poem in just a few short lines. Long poems get boring after awhile, and it gets hard to concentrate. I like short poems that give a strong message, like yours did. That way you have captured the readers attention and you don't let go until they get the full picture. Loved that.
Anyways, I have nothing more to say but KEEP WRITING BECAUSE YOU COULD GO FAR!
Bye for now!
~CelticThunder1438 a.k.a. Selina or Seliter
Very nice, Iron! Loved it!
This poem is very descriptive and fun to read. I like how you give us the hint that land referred to promise land as the reader is given that idea of hope - usually when this land is talked of, it never goes well and there is usually that one guy who goes crazy and tries to push the barrier to it's limits just to find that safe haven that we all need. You create really interesting imagery for us readers which makes our imagination leap, creating that truly interesting little poem. I also like how you use 'we' instead of 'I' or 'her/him' since it makes the poem more widespread for the reader as they picture a community of people connected as one in their adventures. Another way a reader could interpret 'we' is that you are one with the reader and they too are in the action with the speaker which makes the poem all the more personal. A really good read -Marshymallow
Oops
This poem is very descriptive and fun to read. I like how you give us the hint that land referred to promise land as the reader is given that idea of hope - usually when this land is talked of, it never goes well and there is usually that one guy who goes crazy and tries to push the barrier to it's limits just to find that safe haven that we all need. You create really interesting imagery for us readers which makes our imagination leap, creating that truly interesting little poem. I also like how you use 'we' instead of 'I' or 'her/him' since it makes the poem more widespread for the reader as they picture a community of people connected as one in their adventures. Another way a reader could interpret 'we' is that you are one with the reader and they too are in the action with the speaker which makes the poem all the more personal. A really good read -Marshymallow
Hello Tuesday here for a review. i like to begin that this poem has wonderful adjectives, to give the reader an imagination range. Also i can see by this poem, there are little rhymes that fill this poem giving it a rhythm or an off-beat. Plus i would say that this poem could be used during the celebration of Easter (which i think is why you wrote it) and the tone of this could be hopeful or spiritual.
the only problem that i would think that needed to be changed would be changing -stains to -stained since it seems this poem is in the past tense. Stained petals of the roses whose thorns or something similar.Nitpick(s):
I would suggest a one little thing for this stanza and that would be -the to -these since it could be a different thorns or something. Because the darkness wears these thorns now;. Also i feel like that semicolon is no needed.
Overall, i think this poem has a wonderful meaning as of where we are today and the imagery in this poem is done well (even though it is little, that little can make most of the count). Since I can imagine the king carrying us in his white silk robe and i loved the ending of this poem since it kinda like a little kid showing his mom these stones he found to where the mother awes at them. Plus i believe i see some alliteration such as Alone and afraid which is a great example.
Farewell,
Tuesday