Heavy

This is amazing and I can relate right now. You've definitely got lots of potential in you. But maybe you should add more detail next time so the readers know more about how and what you feel. At the same time tjough , I feel like you get the basic idea of how you're feeling. Overall you did an absolutely wonderful job!!

Hi. Superb work! I was first impressed by its structure. I believe there was more to interpret from the structure. I had to love it! Good job there!
I totally love the message.
"They call me transparent,
And you an opaque mystery."
Loved the starting, totally.
Great punctuation. It was just flowing from the start.

Hope I get to see much of your work.

Wow. This piece is really, really beautiful.

I can feel the sadness in this piece. It's tangible. It takes a true writer to be able to do that to the reader. I love the structure of this poem: something about it that adds to the tragic aspect of your poem. You evoke such clear images through your writing!! I think your diction is fantastic. Your word choice was blatantly thought through and used effectively. I wish there was some way I could critique this, but there's nothing that I feel could be bettered. Your writing is truly phenomenal. I got chills.

I really hope I get a chance to read more of your work!!!

Wow! I really like ut veru strong for a first piece . I really like the concept and meaning ifbthe poem .the only thing i really hav negative well suggestion is try to make it longer and addto it because you can always make ut more in depth and visual .use simile metphors etc other figurative devices.
Other then that amazing job

Keep writing ill be looking out for more pieces by you check out mine also


-oldsoulxoxo

Wow! I really like ut veru strong for a first piece . I really like the concept and meaning ifbthe poem .the only thing i really hav negative well suggestion is try to make it longer and addto it because you can always make ut more in depth and visual .use simile metphors etc other figurative devices.
Other then that amazing job

Keep writing ill be looking out for more pieces by you check out mine also


-oldsoulxoxo

First of all, I really liked it. I thought the spacing was cool, and gave the poem a new visual aspect to it. To be super super nitpick-y to start off with:

"From the beginning
The scent of your rose hung in the air
Around my neck
Like a noose.

Even as their petals die,"

You should probably either pluralizes rose or singualarize (word?) the first line of the next verse. "Even as its petals die," something like that.

It has a cool slam-poetry style to it that I really liked. And that style can be really difficult to put in a written form, but I thought it was really successful. I'm usually not prone to enjoying stuff with rose imagery (a little overdone) but that's just personal taste. Pretty good venture otherwise!

Inked here!
All I have to say is WOW!
That was good.
I can feel how you poured your emotions into this, yet is a story all our own because it isn't defined. This is well written.
perhaps if you made it longer you could pull me in more. But I am now a fan!
Beauty at its finest! I do wish that you would have detailed more. Created a picture perhaps?
Well I'm out!
~Inked