Not slow,
painful, bloody,
nor ear-splitting in volume
like a bullet and a scream.
I don't want
all the pity of the world,
strange as it may seem.
No crying.
No crying.
I'll not be satisfied
if camera lights blind me
or the shell of
what once was me.
My face will not be
plastered on papers
or screens.
No grief.
No grief.
But I'll go quietly.
Slipping away into a darkness
even blacker than this.
Vanishing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,029 Literary Works • 672,785 Reviews
Hi amddog here for a review...
Wow I almost cried. This was a truly beautiful poem that expresses the hardships of life though in a vauge way. You showed that instead of a famous death. No papers, no TV screens. You showed that a humble death is perferred. And isn't that what every one wants? I believe that a persons greatest fear is not dieing, but what happens after it. Will I be remembered? Will anyone grieve? The answer is yes. There is always someone in the world who will grieve and miss you. I have thoughts like this sometimes, but I always think of my family, and the family I want to have. Just remember that people do love you. Please keep writing.
~Amddog
That is nice piece of writing, pointing towards dying with dignity. No doubt you are a gifted and dedicated writer. However, I would like to ask you something not actually about the content but about the idea and moral behind it. Look, no matter how dignified you try to look but if you visualise it closely you will see that you are and never would be nothing more than just a suicider - if you wish to die rather than to stay alive. The best strength and respect lies in LIVING and fighting with your life, the hardships you face and to remain strong and keep your head still high when the odds are not in your favour. Apart from that, I really appreciate the the skills you have got and the ability to actually exploit them at such an early age. Thumbs up dude !
Hey.
I really really enjoyed this composition of yours. And honestly, the title caught my attention. I mean, what exactly would be "an ideal suicide" for anyone. I had a rough idea of what it might be, but you expressed it well.
And no flaws, it was perfect. People usually think of dying rather than how to die :p but your idea was really good.
Good job.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
I absolutely adore this poem. I love how you used repetition for the lines "no crying" it really shows the depth and meaning of how you just want there to be peace. I also like the second to last line "even blacker than this." Which I believe is supposed to represent the depression you love with and how black and blank this life is but if you go any darker you will vanish.
"No grief." That line is also repeated and I find the emphasis from the line "no crying." Repeated it giving it such a strong and meaningful effect to this poem. "I don't want all the pity of the world," I love that because so often suicide is associated with wanting attention and wanting others to pity you and the life you lived. But that is often not the case.
You're a fantastic writer please keep writing!
I absolutely adore this poem. I love how you used repetition for the lines "no crying" it really shows the depth and meaning of how you just want there to be peace. I also like the second to last line "even blacker than this." Which I believe is supposed to represent the depression you love with and how black and blank this life is but if you go any darker you will vanish.
"No grief." That line is also repeated and I find the emphasis from the line "no crying." Repeated it giving it such a strong and meaningful effect to this poem. "I don't want all the pity of the world," I love that because so often suicide is associated with wanting attention and wanting others to pity you and the life you lived. But that is often not the case.
You're a fantastic writer please keep writing!
I love the last stanza its my favorite one !!! I love how you word things to and use good imagery in it. Your really good the poem isdark sad but captaviting. At same time.
Keep writing I loved it and lood forward to seeing more of your works and review sone of mine too if yoy want
-xoxooldsoulxoxo
I love the last stanza its my favorite one !!! I love how you word things to and use good imagery in it. Your really good the poem isdark sad but captaviting. At same time.
Keep writing I loved it and lood forward to seeing more of your works and review sone of mine too if yoy want
-xoxooldsoulxoxo
Quietly and insensibly, I'd like to go that way as well.
I'd like to see you probe yourself further. Things get more interesting the more honest you are. Ask more questions about the root of what has agitated your fingers into typing this:
Why does pity not satisfy you? Why is that strange? (Who does this seem strange to?) Why are you fantasizing about your death?
And if grief and pity are not goals of yours, this poem is working against itself.