Celestial Song

Woah...

Your writing style is so unique! Keep that up!

Um...I'm reviewing this because you wanted people to because you might be entering it in a contest (right?). I personally think that you could enter anything you have on YWS into a contest and have a great chance at success because I think you're an amazing writer. You've inspired me so much and you make me a better writer every time I read your stuff.

Please keep doing that!

I HATE POETRY.

I've said that before and I say it again now...sorry?

There are very few pieces of poetry that I actually enjoy reading. Yours has been some of those. So, thanks!!

I don't have any tips for you (and trust me, you don't want tips about poetry from me), but I just want you to know that I think you should enter this in the contest or whatever it is because you're an amazing writer.

Okay, last thing. I LOVE YOUR WORD CHOICE. I believe I've said that before to you, but maybe not. Do you use Thesaurus when writing or do have you just read the dictionary (trust me, this is a complement).

Keep up the good work, Abby!!

Woah...

Your writing style is so unique! Keep that up!

Um...I'm reviewing this because you wanted people to because you might be entering it in a contest (right?). I personally think that you could enter anything you have on YWS into a contest and have a great chance at success because I think you're an amazing writer. You've inspired me so much and you make me a better writer every time I read your stuff.

Please keep doing that!

I HATE POETRY.

I've said that before and I say it again now...sorry?

There are very few pieces of poetry that I actually enjoy reading. Yours has been some of those. So, thanks!!

I don't have any tips for you (and trust me, you don't want tips about poetry from me), but I just want you to know that I think you should enter this in the contest or whatever it is because you're an amazing writer.

Okay, last thing. I LOVE YOUR WORD CHOICE. I believe I've said that before to you, but maybe not. Do you use Thesaurus when writing or do have you just read the dictionary (trust me, this is a complement).

Keep up the good work, Abby!!

I cannot explain how much I love this song. It's so beautiful, and I can sense that the words were specially crafted which great skill. The line, 'to dissolve from the earth into the stretch of time,' is particularly beautiful, as though the narrator relishes the thought of passing into time's eternal embrace. I also loved your description of the night, you made it sound so pretty and I could truly see the picture you painted with you words. The word, 'moonbeams' also added a sort of magical feel to it which improved the song's quality even further. Saying that you want to become at one with time has such an overwhelming feeling of peace within it that it is impossible to leave this work without a feeling of contentment.
On the whole, well done, you are clearly very talented and I look forward to reading more of your work.

priceofwords

This poem is so peaceful that while I was about to fall asleep while reading (It's not boring at all. I'm sorry if it sounded like that). If this were a song, I would be singing it. The words flow together very well. You made the night sound wonderful than scary. Plus, who knew that the word, "song," could be so pretty when it's only mentioned once in the whole piece. Overall, I loved it.

This is just beautiful. *likes*

I love this piece. With so much emphasis these days on our insignificance and impermanence, and fear as a result, I like how the speaker desires to be at peace with it, not to fight it.
The transcendent theme is well expressed. In the third stanza, the "song" evokes the scene from the Kalevala in which Vainamoinen creates the world through singing. I don't know if you are familiar with any creation myths involving song. There definitely is a literary precedent for song being a celestial force with undying and beautiful results, at least in Finnish Legend.

Your word choice is pretty interesting. Obsidian is a solid stone, not like the depths of space. It's edges are so sharp that they cut painlessly. It is also a glass, the molecules lacking any crystalline structure, but rather swirling in chaotic patterns, cooling into a smooth block. It's kind of like a song made of rock, if you will. Like song is to speech, obsidian is to stone: song is smoother, melodic speech, obsidian is a smooth, melodic rock. The image it evoked for me was one of painless death, one that is merely part of the flow of time. I also found "sonneteer" to be an interesting choice in the third stanza. It's second definition (after someone who writes sonnets) is a minor or insignificant poet. That seems to fit nicely with the themes of dissolution and impermanence.

I don't know how much of this you intended, but it's all there, at least to me. Trying to review, it was hard to find anything wrong with this poem! The deeper I go, the more strongly it holds up. The only thing I have found to which I can suggest improvement is the 3rd line of the 2nd stanza, "To the heavens and the stars," which seems to drift into cliche phrase a little bit. If there is something else you wanted to say at that point, but didn't quite get onto the page, consider revising it. If you use word choice as strong as that in the rest of the poem, then I think you could come up with something more powerful.

This is heartfelt and deep. Be sure to keep writing!

--TTTF

I'd like to thank you for the review yesterday, as well as return the favor. But before that, what a coincidence! Just wrote a poem inspired by a song yesterday.

Now onto the review:

Even though the flow is good, the first two stanzas could be reworded to sound better.
As a starting poet, I'm just going with gut feelings, so I can't really explain my nitpicks. Sorry for that.
Anyways, the first line sounds off to me. Could be the passive voice. And if you change that, you're gonna have to change whatever doesn't fit, which to me are the first two stanzas.

I'd write them like this:

The dream of feeling
the darkness of an infinite space
has always been in my heart.

The night,
obsidian and endless,
where moonbeams can carry my song
to the heavens and the stars,