Coconut

by theironnovelist

Published October 29, 2014

In Poetry

.Exercise: Describe the smell of coconut-scented lotion without using the word 'sweet'.

Close your eyes.
Lather the smooth balm between your fingers.
Aroma...strong as that of a spice, but calmer.
Gentler. 
Nearly taste it.
Soft dashes of sugar granules sprinkle atop the engaging fragrance
And take you to tropics where the sun is warm,
Beaming down on their wide palm branches
Dotted with coconuts.

Comments & reviews · 3
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rissymay
Comment
rissymay commented Comment · Oct 30, 2014

hehehehe coconut

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godlypopo
Review
godlypopo wrote a review Review · Oct 29, 2014

That was a very clever way of describing coconut-scented lotion. I like the part where you go close your eyes. Lather the smooth balm between your fingers. I feel like this gives a nice effect to imagery. I also like how you use all of the senses as this makes the description stand out. I think if you explored further into the tropics then it would be even better. Also try not to make it sound to much like food as i want to eat it now (yeah i'm weird)
Anyway good job :)

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ANADIR
Review
ANADIR wrote a review Review · Oct 29, 2014

Nice work! Just a little worthless nitpicks. In the third line, you say "Aroma...strong as that of a spice, but calmer." This is just a personal thing, but I would change the word 'spice' to an actual spice, like Cinnamon. (I know Cinnamon smells nothing like cocoanut.) Aside from that, You had no grammatical errors that I saw, which is a definite plus. Either way, great work here. And that's alot, coming from someone who's allergic to coconuts. XD



History repeats itself. First as tragedy, second as farce.
— Karl Marx