Eden

Hello, Chips here with a review.

I love the concept of Eden in your poem, it's always great to see spiritual works on here, they're quite refreshing. As much as I liked you poem, there is always room for improvement so I have a few suggestions which may be of help to you.

Things I liked:

-The concept was interesting
-The grammar and punctuation was good, in general.
- The sense of emotion was there in your poem.
- The descriptions were good.

Things that can be approved upon:

- Length. It works very well as a short poem, though adding length would be a benefit to getting your message across clearer.

-Imagery. I think you needed to add more imagery in your poem, since Eden was filled with so many of them! It was the first place inhabited on Earth, the scenery, the guilt, the surroundings etc.. Even slightly mentioning the "Fall", would have been nice to see.

-Connecting this poem to God more would have also been nice to see, as from the poem I didn't initially see where God would fit into it, you could have been talking about anywhere.

-I thought the wording could be better in the fourth line;
"in the place I'm to belong" I'm not quite sure but read aloud it didn't flow coherently with the other lines. Perhaps, "in the place I'm meant for".

Overall, good job and I look forward to reading more of your works. I hope this review was of help to you.

--Chips

thank you very much...i was surprised to come on after a few days to see this on the front! completely made my day...seriously. best blessing of the night.

Hello there!

This poem is short, simple, and utterly beautiful. I loved reading this, and almost picturing the person saying these things. The lines in this poem are short, yet very descriptive and paint a beautiful picture.

"This is my last plead for grace
upon my undeserving soul;"

That first line is easily my favourite. It is what pulled me in to continue reading this poem, and it is a line I don't think I will ever forget.

Good job, keep up the good work!

I love this so much!

Hello!
This is simply put, beautiful. Sometimes poems are so long, that you read them, and you don't really get the meaning as much as a shorter, meaningful poem, and this poem is full of meaning! I couldn't find anything to correct in this, it's beautifully written! I agree with Linkzude16, the undeserving soul part, was very well put! Great job, and keep writing!
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome

I liked this; there is good wording which illustrates reverence for God (as in "my undeserving soul") and your hope in life after death. I don't know if "Eden" is the right name for this because, when I read the title, I automatically expected the poem to be about the Garden of Eden. Nonetheless, this is a good, little stanza which illustrates trust in and reverence for God. I appreciate that. Good job, theironnovelist.

It was kinda too short. I was expecting more lines, but I find it spiritual as I can relate to it. Yeah. Things here are ordinary, and everything will fade, but thanks be to God, we're not destined to perish.

I like reading spiritual poetry such as this. I look forward to hearing more from you soon. Keep writing!

This poem invokes feelings like never before. It's short, concise, and to-the-point nature affects and actually makes an impact on the reader. The poem draws attention in a sense of desperation and torture. The plead for grace looks genuine and according to my inner psychiatrist the poet/ author probably went through or saw somebody close undergo a situation of life and death, hence the tragic air of the writing.
A good attempt at a serious and dark genre.

All the best theironnovelist. Hope to see other works of yours to enlighten my mind.