Avra kehdabra
Aramaic; "abracadabra"
"I will create as I speak"
What is a beautiful melody, if not enchanting?
Do you not see the twinkling stars as faeries,
Or thunder above your head the roar of savage dragons?
Power that aligns galaxies--
Does it not steal the wisp of your breath?
And still a greater power yet abounds
Somewhere beyond ourselves.
Surer than the end of time,
Life's first murmur:
Avra kehdabra
Note to readers: I have decided to enter one of my poems in a state contest! I'm debating between this and my last poem, Citadel (revised). I would love anyone's input to let me know which they like better! And, of course, suggestions on how to edit this poem.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,785 Reviews
Lovely poem! I can connect to it so much, because I LIVE on dreams and fantasies. Your wording and description is very good, because I could see everything you described in my mind.
These lines are amazing :
And still a greater power yet abounds
Somewhere beyond ourselves.
Surer than the end of time,
Life's first murmur:
Avra kehdabra
Simply brilliant! keep it up!
Mysticalxx
NIce! ITS REALLY good.
Perfect rhymes, and I love love love the beginning.
Life's first murmur:
Ava kehdabra
This really hit the spot.
Amazing, I can't really see anything that's wrong in here.
Impressed.
Good job, I give it a 10/10. I think you should choose the poem that your heart follows. That's really awesome that you asked your readers which one to choose. Sorry, but I can not chose. Way to hard.
Amazing, that's all I can say.
I don't have the strength to say anymore......
Amazing......
Farwell, and hope you lots and lots of luck in the state contest! I wish you all my luck!!!!!!!
Farwell,
Curiosity227
The first thing I noticed about this poem is clearly the translation to the first Latin phrase every child should know since they attend a lot of magic shows or want to recreate a magic show. Little did I know that, and I understand why magicians say that word sometimes. Wherever you found that, it was an interesting fact. Plus, I love how you got the factors of magic straight: fantasy, time, space, enchantment and sometimes music. Personally, I love this poem. Keep up the good work.
Since you requested it, here I am to review your poems, starting with this one!
I must say, you never cease to amaze and dazzle me with your poems. I keep coming back to read them and it seems like all they do is get better and better, which is a good thing of course! I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are extremely talented, and I like to see that you are putting it to good use.
The beginning part of the poem draws you in immediately, with the phrase and its meaning right below it. I also really love that you use that phrase as life's first murmur. It makes sense, too, that that phrase would be the first thing life says, considering that's when you're really created and you come to fruition, when you're born. Sorry if that doesn't make sense, my mind is a bit jumbled x.x
I can't really see anything to fix in this poem. Everything looks good to me ^^ though this isn't my first choice for you to put in your state contest, if you wanted to put it in, I'm sure that it could win.
I give this a 10/10. Keep on writing!
It just have to say that this is truly beautiful. Too many people are losing sight of magic when it is all around them, and just because we "know" how things work does not mean that they are any less enchanting.
It's a beautiful display of the simplicity of life through child-like eyes. In this way,the entire world is magical, which brings the question of when we can no longer see this. Is the child here actually becoming an adult? Is that what it means to no longer believe in magic? Of course, I'm not saying the poem strictly attempts to signify this, it's just truly thought provoking.
yes, this could be seen as someone going through that sort of change in their life, much like Susan in The Chronicles of Narnia
. I, myself, see this in a few different lights xD Thanks for reviewing!
Hey, this is Slie for a review on this "magical" piece of work! I really love the way you have moulded your thoughts in such a precise and perfect manner. And the thing I like the most is the lyrical flow in your poetry. The words just seem to string together, one after another. And the way you said, "And still a greater power yet abounds... Somewhere beyond ourselves.", it's simply fantastic!
I'll be following you! Keep writing and best of luck for the contest! Chao! xD
thank you very much! do you think this is the poem I should use? I am honestly still conflicted
Hey! Now I am conflicted! xD so i read the other poem and I think I like it more d: anyways it's up to you to make the choice xD GL!
Nice, dude. I like the idea and message you're trying to get across.
Comment time!
Do you not see the twinkling stars as faeries, Or thunder above your head the roar of savage dragons?-- I think you could provide a few more examples, because creative people could also see these things as other things- like when I look at stars, I think they could be people or different planets or airplanes or anything. When I hear thunder, I don't always think of dragons- basically provide more examples so people can relate with what you're saying even more.
I also think this poem could be more powerful if you provided more lines similar to the stars and fairies/ thunder and dragons lines. In those lines, you use senses like sight and hearing- maybe you could do all of the senses or something. I get excited about this poem when I read those lines, and the excitement could build even more if you provided more descriptions like those in the star-fairy-thunder-dragon lines.
so yeah.
-rissyroorahSHARK.BAIT.HOOHAHA
ahh, I see your point...but what do you mean by using sensory images? like, how would I express that?
nice signature btw
I'm thinking more of the ADD line of fictional thoughts I have a lot. Like I'll feel a soft fabric at Craft Central, and my mind will go catapulting into imagining the fabric as a dress, and then I'd imagine myself being queen and fancy queen dresses and maybe even a story concept would spark from that. I don't know if you could do that in this or not. We should just talk about it in person
alright...that might be easier. xD
study hall tomorrow.
totes, bro
Fantasy expressed in such a magnific manner. It's beautiful and concise. I love the way you have described fairytales and stories, it really is incredible. We writers live in a world of fiction and this poem summarizes it all. In my opinion, it doesn't have one single flaw.
I haven't read your previous poem because I'm new here, but I'll make sure to read it as soon as I can!
thank you; I appreciate is soo much!!
Hi, I could see that you're into these magical and fantasy stuff. I like it. I also love the way on how imagery is also reflect on the first 4 lines of the poem. It is very amusing and pleasing to the eye. Keep writing. These are one of the amazing, yet outstanding poems here. It's pretty fascinating
Keep up the amazing work 
thank you much!!
Heya, Iron! I'm quickly going to read through Citadel and give you my choice. *reads it, comes back* I like this one better, mostly because of all the fantasy things that are in it. Can you enter two? I'm voting for this one, but if you can enter both then do that.
Okay, nitpick time!
So I think the as should become of.
This line doesn't quite make sense. Adding ing to thunder would help, I think.
I looove it, really I do. It makes me happy to see how you spelt faeries. Great poem, use this one!!
for clarification, that second line kinda means "or the thunder above your head as the roar of savage dragons". like, comparing thunder to a dragon's roar. kinda worded weirdly. does that make more sense?
thanks again!!
Oh! It took me a moment, but yes, I get it now.
ok! but i will try to make an effort to make that more understandable