3 (slightly revised)

Hello! Pendr here on behalf of the Earth Benders!

Cool poem, bro! Riz says I'm good at poetry, but Hobey, she needs to read some of yours (sorry, I'm reading the second Pendragon, so I'm picking up terms from Cloral).
I think this poem would be really easy for anyone to apply to their life or the life of someone they know. Anyone could relate to this about anything they're going through, which is really cool. I really like how you describe how the characters are affected in fancy terms, as you do so well, and still keep a rhythm. This is just me, but I think the last line would be better as two, splitting it after 'light.' Your choice, of course.

Definitely continue to publish your poems! They're so epic! Bye, bye!!

"YWS is blue,
Our team is green.
We're the best reviewers
You've ever seen."
-Earth Benders

Hello
This is beautiful! Just beautiful. This is short, but it's beautiful. I don't really know what else to say, besides beautiful. I just looked back on the "unrevised" 3, and you did a great job revising it! Great job! Keep writing!!
-Snazzy

For something so short, this is surprizingly emotional and "haunting". You have amazing form and rhythm, and I envy how easy it flows, and how well you've used the rhyming. It's very natural rhyming, which seems advanced somehow.

I was actually thinking when I finished reading it, that I really wanted it to be longer, because the form is amazing, and because it just flows so well, I just wanted it to continue. I wanted to know what made you write the poem, made me wonder what happened to the family to make the light disappear, along with the [last drops of love].

This is a really strong poem, and with just those few words, you've got the reader hooked, and wanting to know more, and that is a really amazing ability to have. And not only have you got that, you've also got a really amazing way with words.

I'm going straight to your portfolio to see what other work you've done.

Thanks for sharing this, it was a pleasure to read

I do like it better this way ^-^

Again, not much to say. Sooo... keep writing! You're talented!

Hey,

For being a short poem this is pretty great! You have a nice use of punctuation and capitalization which help convey the message nicely. I also appreciate your use of vocabulary it adds depth to the poem to make it that much better. I feel like this poem is very personal and has a story behind it, if its not to much of a intrusion I would love to know the story behind it as well. I look forward to reading the original version of this story too. I'm curious as to why you post a revised version as well as the original when you can edit work, It seems like a clever Idea however and I'm not complaining. All in all however Very nice job I enjoyed reading your poem as well as writing a review on it because It has a lot of depth and has got me thinking. Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Collideascope.