Young Writers Society

Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem mostly for the simple yet tragic story it narrated in such few and short lines. I loved how you have used the image of a circle (or rather a ring?) to suggest that there is no end to this toxicity in the relationship you are describing here. Its just an endless loop that begins where it ends and so on and on.

Formatting:

I am sure you have heard this but the shape does not exactly resemble a circle or a ring. I am not sure if it was intentional but the 'my' and 'I' in the lines "you're too strong against my delicacy," and "but I won't stop" have shifted a little left to the outside of the circle. I cannot tell if it was a creative choice or not, but if it was I am sure I missed the point. Anyways, the circle is a little deformed which suits the poem because of the nature of the message its trying to convey. Besides, I can only imagine how much work it must to format these things and I am always amazed if shape poems ever resemble anything at all.

Also, I loved the fact that you did not put a period or any punctuation for that matter anywhere in the poem. Once again, it represents the idea behind the circle - an unhealthy thought, a toxic habit that is endless and repetitive.

Interpretation:

As for the interpretation of the poem itself, it is clear that the narrator is stuck in an unhealthy cycle out of which she cannot escape. It does look that she is trying to break free and not trying at the same time because she 'loves' or is addicted to it. I cannot tell whether you are talking about a toxic relationship here or about substance abuse. The line "it hurts but I won't stop because I love it" suggests that its not a person but rather something that she is referring to here. But I think either of the interpretations carries the same message which is that we need to stop going around the same circle and break free from something that is harming us.

Once again, this was an excellent poem and thank you for sharing it with us.

Keep writing and have a great day!

i saw this on the leaderboard ;D awesome poem! (is it okay that this is probably my favorite one from you?) it's just so clear, so easy to understand, but so meaningful. i have never seen a better shape poem (although the only ones i've seen are dumb ones like dog and it's just "woof" all over)
super nitpicks (like you should kill me for this): soul and around should line up, the circle curves a bit in at the bottom right, the words because and but should be to the right a little more- i'm so sorry for being so nitpicky, but a full, complete circle just maximizes the effect. you'd do that if you were submitting it for a contest or something though, so it's fine now. (but you should submit it for some kind of contest)
the hyphens around "around" (heh)- i don't feel like you need them, and it would help the effect that it just keeps going, around and around. with the hyphens it feels like it's a circle, but then it stops, and then it circles again. but then if you took out the hyphens, where would you put the title... just a nitpicky thing to mention.
good job. i love it. bye

Fruit4you here to review!

Wow... I really love this. It is unique and the structure is great. I love how it is a continuous poem that never ends. I was a little confused at first though since it reads to the left rather than the right. But other than that it was fabulous. I also agree with Strange just a bit. Although the idea is awesome, and I mostly like it, I feel it does fall flat, but just a tiny bit. But personally I 97% love it.

Keep Writing, Fruit4you

Oh my goodness! That's very creative! I very much like the one line that says "infect my soul". Beautiful word choice. Stunning.

Hey, theironnovelist! Strange here and I have a review for you!

This was really interesting in the way you formatted it. It represented a circle, which was interesting. It added flair to the poem. However, that flair did nothing. This poem felt flat, like one purposely put "no landscape" on Minecraft. Initially, you can take that as boring, but that's not the point I'm trying to make.

See, though this has a curve, it doesn't get off the ground. With all the potential it had, all it cared about was looks, not really the feeling. It had a decent idea that could go far, but it didn't. "Hey, cool design!" was what I felt. You had the vocabulary down and everything, that hit the right spot. It would have needed to be longer to hit all the right spots. The whole circle thing made the poem start sinking. I would say something that involves "quantity, not quality" but that would make no sense. It would, however, slightly help my point get across. The circle format is always cool to look at, but it can make a person dizzy. If it was an oval, however. What I am saying is that this doesn't have as much emotion as it needs to. The intimacy, the connection, anything there.

It was pretty good for what it was, though.

Cheers.

Hello!
Interesting idea.
I personally appreciate that this reads correctly widdershins *cough cough*, but I think most people would be inclined to read it clockwise, no? Maybe you should change the words around to reflect that tendency.
Also, I think this idea would best be implemented with a sentence that can feed into itself. Circles never end, so your sentence shouldn't, but it does. There's no way that "and I go around" feeds into "our rhythm..."
Think of "The song that never ends" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Song_That_Never_Ends in case you don't know it) The song feeds into itself for infinity. I think your poem should do that. Why have a circle if it stops?
I also wish this was... rounder? More even perhaps. It's not exactly an exact circle, but I know that's hard to do. So don't worry about it.

The content of you poem itself is rather... cliche and blah. It didn't pull me in at all. I liked the idea of rhythm, but you mentioned it once and just dropped it. I really, really don't like the thing with delicacy or infection. Those ideas make me angry, that the narrator in a love story is oh, so delicate as a weeping daffodil that is stirred in a summer zephyr. I just hate it. And infection of a soul is just so cliche. I don't like it.

Also, I don't like the part where it hurts but the narrator love it. You're telling the audience this, but the they don't understand. Human instinct is to run away from things that hurt us. Sure it's a contradiction, and contradictions are cool, but you have to back them up and give them a reason. Picture someone saying this: "It's freezing out, but I feel so warm." Well... Why? Because you are in love? Because you have a weird super power? Because you have a nice warm coat even? You have to back it up with reasons. Or at least I like to think that.
I like your inclusion of "around" because it works well.
Keep up the good work! Keep writing! Let me know if you have any questions
~Widdershins