It's not the knocked-down row of books
you can't seem to keep up straight.
And it's not the crooked picture frame
in your friend's house driving you 'insane'.
You think it's that itching,
an urge,
a yen.
Do you want to know what my obsession is?
It's a crawling
deep,
deep in my skin.
And it comes out in silence,
or in the chaos of a crowd.
It's the hand wrapped around my wrist
that won't release its grip.
But it's nothing serious.
It's only killing me.
I'll outgrow it soon.
It only commands me.
Obsessive? Most definitely.
Compulsive? I suppose.
Disorder?
Absolutely not.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Oh my god, your poems are SO relatable! (at least, what I've read up till now definitely are). This is ME, down to the core! I am a bit OCD about things (such as book straightening in the shelf, cushion straightening on the counch and such), and this poem had me think about all of it! Very nice.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Hello Tuesday here for a review. i like to begin that most people could relate since most the people in this world are OCD about everything from pictures off by so little to something on their shoe. (Myself, is not OCD; since my room could explain it all yet my mom is). Also I would think that the tone of this is telling the reader the OCD is not really a disorder just a crazy mind swirled around in a blender, type of thing or something. Also i like the few example of personification since OCD can't really be crawling through your veins (it is a thing, not a real object.)
i think that this stanza is the most needed to fixed part of this poem. First off, i don't like how Absolutely not is not near the question it has answered. Maybe put it next to it to make the poem nice and even (in a sense).Nitpick(s):
I think that this stanza needs some work too like to begin, -it's a crawling deep like what is crawling deep into your skin since you have the 'a" there making me wonder what you were trying to say. Also someone has mentioned this before, but the repetition of deep just makes it seem vague or something.
Overall, i am sure we all have met someone who has OCD and sometimes when we really want to bother them, we just find something like a paper and wrinkle it up then we watch as they try to unwrinkle it (i have done that many times with my friends--- who are like super OCD about everything---- and i know it is mean, but it is funny to watch the try so hard to do yet they never can). Plus this poem could also be said to have a wonderful example of personification and a message too; OCD people are not crazy, just cleaned minded.
Farewell,
Tuesday
Hello, theironnovelist! I'm going to make this a relatively short review, mostly because I can.
I'm making my own theory that what this person truly has is indeed a disorder, whether that is what you intended or not, that is my perception of it. A few things seemed oddly confusing to me, however.
You state about a hand around "your" wrist ("your" because I'm not sure if this is about you or a false character, either way, just know that's what I mean), which leads me to a question as why is there a hand on the character's wrist? Is it their own? Is it someone else's?
Perhaps that's what you wanted, either way, it's not exactly a mistake. It's just something that kind of confused me and could be drawn out more clearly.
The spaces in the stanza "Obsessive? Most definitely." Are they purposeful? I mean, this might just be your style of writing, which is fine if it is. It just didn't seem to really have a meaning to it. It isn't something I would focus on, though, just something I kind of noted and wanted to draw out.
Overall, it seemed like a pretty good poem. I like how you use italics to make some of the thoughts and statements stand out. Keep writing poems!
~Prez. T
I feel like changing "straight" to right in the second line wouldn't hurt it and would make it more logical seeming.
I feel changing insane in the fourth line to crazy would work better. Unless you meant it how you said it, you should change "You think it's that itching," to You think that it's itching,
You should combine the third italicized line with the second, so it would be "deep, deep in my skin." or possibly deep within my skin.
Hello, theironnovelist.
I'm not a big fan of this stanza. The repetition of "deep" isn't doing anything for me. Crawling under skin is also something that can be seen different ways. There's literally things crawling around under there (*shudders*), there's the feeling, et cetera. I think you can find a more specific way to convey this.I really enjoyed this because of the subject matter. I don't have OCD, and none of my friends have OCD, but some of them still say, "I'm so OCD" after straightening something.
It makes me angry. They are belittling the problems that people with actual OCD face every day by saying it's just a vague want to make things straight. And while OCD can include this habit, it's not all it is. It's obsessions, behaviors that become ritual and cause panic when the ritual cannot be completed. I'm very tired of the use of OCD as an adjective.
I really enjoy the play on words with "disorder." Very nice job.
I like the quotes around 'insane.'
Altogether, good job. Thank you for sharing. I hope it makes people think before they talk. Happy YWSing!
hi, cutie here to review:
.OK, LETS START
i'm in no way a professional.
Just thought i should place a disclaimer first
first of all, i love the thought behind this poem and i am very positive that if you took the time out expand on it, it will be a master piece.
secondly, ill just tell you the parts that didnt sit right with me.
"You think it's that itching,
an urge,
a yen."
ill take a leap here and assume you were talking about yearning - yearn. so edit
then,
It's a crawling
deep,
deep in my skin.
how about you remove the 'a' it sounds better or leave the 'a' and make it
It's a crawling
deep,
deep "inTO" my skin.
My favorite part of the poem is
But it's nothing serious.
It's only killing me.
lol. i was like, yeah, i know that feeling. NICE WORK!
thanks! I did mean 'yen' in that stanza; it's another word for an urge. i'll take these into consideration!
Hi there! Remember me? I bed you don't but I still do. haha
Well, I am here to annoy you with a creepy type of review of mine. Are you ready for it? Well, here I go.
As always, it was really good. I liked your poems from the time you joined this site. This was another good poem you wrote. So, well done on that!
But, it was short. Short but good. I still wish you could have added like, at least, one or maybe two stanzas more to it to make it look a little longer and describe the situation better.
The free flow of writing really suited you and to this poem too. It was good and I felt like the structure was really nice.
I would leave it to on someone else to pick those really small and insignificant grammatical and punctuation errors.
Other than that, it was really cool. I liked it and I really hope to read more of your stuff and also get a chance to see you around too.
Well, good luck and have a nice day.
Here to review.
I would like to congratulate you on this poem, because it is very good, and I seem not to find any errors in it. I personally don't know what OCD feels like, but the way you have described it gives me a better idea, and it is pretty clear in my head when I try to imagine it. I also like how it flows, and I especially like these four verses:
It shows really well how people without OCD see it compared to the people who have it.
There are a couple of things that you could change to make it better, in my opinion. Firstly, I know this is poetry and normal grammar and syntax rules do not always apply, but they usually tell us not to start a sentence with "and". I think that here,
it would be slightly more powerful without the And at the beginning of the sentence.
Then, it might also be a bit more powerful if you kept the same structure in the last stanza by making a new verse every time you answer, like so:
Somehow, making more verses, especially since the last answer is also a new verse, seems appropriate and since it takes us more time to read it if it's in different verses, it has an even bigger contrast when we get to the last verse. I must say, however, that the ending was amazing.
Congratulations again for this piece.
Keep writing,
Odd